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Loss best friend/mom

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by cookie97, Jul 6, 2020.

  1. cookie97

    cookie97 New Member

    I'm not really sure how this works but I guess I'll just dive right into it... I was what people would call a popular loner in school. I didn't have that many friends but I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. There was nothing wrong, at the time I just didn't have the need for friends. I only ever needed one person in my life. My mom. We did absolutely everything together. She used to call me her shadow. Wherever she went I followed. My dad would always make jokes and say how the umbilical cord was never cut.

    I never imagined life without her. Ever. I still don't really understand how I manage life without her. People constantly ask how I do it and say "if that was me I couldn't go on" or "you're so strong" there are times when I question that strength that they talk about because I am only "strong" because I have to be. I am only functioning because I have to be. There are so many times in a day where I just want to give up and quit. When I would express that to people I would always here "she wouldn't want you to give up". "she wouldn't want you to cry" or "she would want you to continue to do what she taught you" It's so much easier said than done. Losing the one person who matters most to you in the world is the worst feeling imaginable. It was like someone stabbed me in the chest except I just won't die. I just continue to feel the pain every single day.

    Every single day is a choice on whether or not I'm going to just be better than I was yesterday. The choice doesn't get easier to make. It doesn't get better as time goes by. It hurts just the same. I just know how to deal with it better than before. I don't know, I cam on here because this was the only place I could just say what I wanted and not be judged about it and that feels good. But it's sad that anyone has to come on here at all.
    Monalisa711 likes this.
  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. You're able to function because of the strength she instilled in you. You held on to her because you able to not cause you had to. It is sad that we all have connected because of a loss but it's good that we have connected. It's much easier getting through things when you have people that understand what you goin through. I pray you get stronger and continue to do what you need to do.
    cookie97 likes this.
  3. cookie97

    cookie97 New Member

    I appreciate your response a lot and thank you for the prayer. it has taken me a while to get on here but I pray you're doing well as well.
  4. I lost my mother-in-law 8 weeks ago, I nicknamed her Cookie. She was a best friend to me. I married her only child, son Ron, she always treated me like a daughter. When I read your name, I was drawn in to read your post. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. After I lost my mom 20 years ago, she was 53. (I was born on her 19th birthday, I always teased I was her twin born late.) My Cookie did not try to take my mom’s spot, nobody can do that, but she was there for me like a mom. i wish I could say grieving for your mom gets easier in time, it doesn’t, we learn to live differently. Hugs for you Cookie97