Losing my Father

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by gracemurphy20, Mar 29, 2020.

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  1. gracemurphy20

    gracemurphy20 New Member

    I lost my dad in July due to a myriad of complications stemming from spinal abscesses. From stepping foot in the hospital to the very end, it was only about a day and a half. We had plans for that coming week, just the two of us. Going on a vacation up to the Adirondacks. Plans to visit family. Plans to spend as much time together as possible before I went back to college in the upcoming month. Recently I came across a quote in a book I was reading, "All your future histories can be destroyed in a single moment," and that brought a whole new side to my grief. Of course, I linger on all of our wonderful memories from the past nineteen years which bring comfort on even the darkest of days, yet what about all the highs and lows that were to come? His retirement. My graduation. Who would be there to walk me down the aisle? What would I tell my kids about their grandfather? Everything I banked on would need to be rewritten in a different way. Yes, I know he's with me always and probably over my shoulder watching right now, but our lives were meant to be intertwined in a more concrete sense. He would always say to me, "Grace, life is equally UNFAIR to everyone," but I wish that wasn't the case. I am grateful for what we got to experience together, but he deserved more. Today marks eight months without him, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him. I love you with all my heart, Dad.
     
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  2. Melodie1252

    Melodie1252 New Member

    Hi,
    I lost my mum a month ago and it was so sudden I didn't get to say goodbye. Still feels surreal and sometimes I forget that I actually happened. How did you cope in the first few months without your dad. Me and my mum were really close and had lots of plans for the future that now are left empty.
     
  3. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Grace,

    Dads are so special. When they have children there are no words to describe the joy they have. As they raise you they will always have a sparkle in their eye and a huge smile on their face.

    They raise you as well as they know how, they protect you forever, they give you loving guidance through so many occurrences in life. As they watch you grow, they realize that one day you will be grown and perhaps find the love of your life. Sure it will be scary, but it will also be great happiness for them.

    Yes, dads can be so special, as you are to them as well. So sorry for your loss of your dad.

    I was going to college when my dad died. I found it so hard to talk to my buddies in school about him. It is as I suppose a time in our life that is so personal it is almost impossible to show others how you are so saddened.

    At least with family you can share so many memories, not always with words, but with pictures, with videos, with collected items and so many more things that reminded you of him in life.

    This is a time you need to take your time to grieve. It is ok to cry when you need to. It is also ok to speak as much as you like when you like, nothing is off limits.

    My dad was a naval sailor in ww2, he was my hero, as I am sure your dad was to you. Just know that all those memories will forever be with you, whether in your mind, on paper (write some down for later times in life), or a collection of items.

    I hope you will keep talking. For now please take care of yourself, and know that there those here who are also walking the path of grief. Be well tonight, and I hope peace will come to you soon.

    -david

    This song is for you


     
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Grace,

    I know the above song was an awful choice for you. I am so sorry if you felt bad after hearing Demi's song. I have searched for you for the best song that describes a daughter's love for her father. This song is for you in your tremendous time of loss.

    Your dad was quite a person to have shown you so much in life. My dad died when I was in college, I know it was one of the hardest times in my life. My friends knew I was hurting but did not know how to reach out to me. Loss is so personal, it takes our heart and rips a heart in it. We all try to find a way forward and find a way to express our loss.

    I know during my time for dad, words were hard to come by. I am sure you wish you could have one more day with your dad. If I could grant you one wish it would be that one. So please take the time to reach out to us. Talk about anything you wish. No words are off limits, as I know they come from a young girl who has lost one of the most important persons in her life - her daddy.

    If you wish this was my wife in life. https://www.griefincommon.com/threads/my-wife.1286/ This was her obit
    https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/auburn-me/nadine-hughes-6409908 Notice just under the left-hand side of the picture is an arrow to a professional video done of her by her last sister, she had lost both sisters, and both brothers, her parents, and grandparents in life.

    I hope you are taking the time to cope with your loss. The toughest time in our lives is seeing the one who raised us move from this mortal coil we call Earth. Grace, I hope you will allow yourself to heal inside. It won't be easy at times, as you have said in your post. Releasing those emotions you have inside will help you to heal. As we cry, we start to heal virtually, our soul and mind from loss. So take all the time in the world to speak with family, or anyone, including us, about your loss, you are no less important, and a broken heart is so sad.

    -david, from another dad of two sons

    This is a girl singing about the loss of her dad



    This is another song I offer to you in your greatest time of need