In February my parents were on their way to Singapore and Australia for a 6 week trip with my brother and his partner. My brother has lived in Australia for the last 3 years and this was their first opportunity to go out and visit him. In February not much was known about COVID-19 and no one was really taking the risk seriously because if the health officials and our administration didn't seem worried yet, then why should we? My parents made it all the way through their trip and during their last week in March my brother and I tried to convince them to stay longer. But they decided they'd fly home as planned. They got home on March 11th and by the 15th my mom had become extremely ill. My dad, on the other hand, said he was feeling totally fine, just a slight stuffy nose that he contributed to allergies. After a few days of a sore throat and a slight fever, my mom had her first virtual doctor's visit where they told her "it's just strep" and put her on antibiotics. My dad took ill shortly after. I would call to check in, text both him and my mom, and the whole time my Dad would tell me he was fine, it's just a slight fever, I'm going to be sleeping it off, we're ok, you do not need to come over. So I didn't go over. I live 45 minutes away from my parents and I never once went to check on them in person because I believed they were going to be just fine. By March 26th my parents were still suffering from their fevers, fatigue, and were severely dehydrated and were finally told it go to the ER. My dad didn't want my mom to tell me because he knows how much I always worry, but she called and said they would be fine. But by that Saturday my dad was being placed on a respirator and sedated because the virus was so far gone, he had pneumonia in all four of his lung's lobes. On Monday my mom had recovered enough the doctor's felt comfortable discharging her and she went home to wait for news about my dad, starting the most horrific emotional rollercoaster we've ever been on. By April 3rd they were telling us it doesn't look good, prepare yourselves, make arrangements, only for another doctor to swoop in saying "We have an experimental treatment!" We started to see some improvements, followed by more issues. This trend lasted about a week until on April 9th we got a call saying my dad almost went into cardiac arrest the night before and at this point there was nothing more they could do. The virus had attacked his lungs, his kidneys, and his liver and everything was shutting down. They asked us what we wanted to do, do you want to remove him from the respirator? The following day, April 10th which happened to be Good Friday (significant for my family as we're Catholic), I was allowed to be in the hospital with my dad. I gowned up, double gloves, double masks, and hair net. I had to be the one to officially tell the doctors to remove his breathing tube. I was the one in his room holding his hand while trying to FaceTime with my mom and my brother in Australia so they could say their goodbyes. I was the one with him when he took his last breath and let go. And it's a pain that has forever been burned into my heart. I feel this loss every single day. I feel guilty for not going to check on them when he told me to stay home and stay safe, I feel this horrible weight of being the one to make the final call and sign the documents releasing his body to the funeral home. It's been five months and I still feel so numb. I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I can't go out in public if I think there will be large crowds because I will have a panic attack. My friends have all been wonderful, my boyfriend has been my rock, but with how wonderful they've all been, they don't know what it's like to lose a parent and they certainly don't know what it's like to lose a parent (almost both) so suddenly by something so unknown to us still. I don't know how anyone could ever know this pain unless they've gone through it as well. It has brought me and my mom closer together, as well as me and my uncle (dad's brother), but it has also distanced me from everyone else in such a way I don't know how to recover.