I have been trying to be resilient to cope but I think every human being only has a certain capacity for loss and suffering. I lost both my parents in the summer of 2016 within 7 weeks apart… My dad was diagnosed with Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis in December 2014. A disease that has no cure. He was given an option for a lung transplant but the odds were very low and he did not want to go through the suffering and pain of it therefore my mom and I respected his decision. Doctors gave him 1-3 years to live. 9 months later, August 2015 my mom was diagnosed with Vulvar Cancer. A rare gynecological cancer that we had never even heard of until she was diagnosed. Upon her diagnosis we were given a good chance of survival since she was diagnosed in the early stages of the Cancer. Due to an existing Kidney condition, her treatments were modified. Although I had no medical background but doctor’s decisions constantly raised questions for me. She was in pain since day one and their only solution was more and more pain medications. 6 months into her illness we were told that there wasn’t much they could do anymore and that she had 2-5 months left to live. For the second time in the course of one year I was told that both my parents are going to die. I am an only child and a girl who was extremely close to her parents, especially my mom. I took a leave from my job to be by her side and take care of them. I watched my mom suffer for four months. I was there 24/7 watched her deteriorate in front of my eyes. I heard her screams of pain and suffering. I watched her lose control of her bladder and bowels. She couldn’t eat, she couldn't drink and she was in constant pain… she was only 67… Based on her wish I didn’t want her to suffer anymore and she was put on hospice… One week later she took her last breath in my arms. Five weeks later my dad was admitted to the hospital due to lack of sufficient oxygen and leg edema. He was connected to tens of oxygen and breathing machines… He wasn’t in pain but he could no longer breathe normally and his mobility became zero. He had to be hooked up to breathing machines 24/7 and that was when he asked me to let him go in peace. From the moment he was transitioned into comfort care until the moment he passed away, there were only 8-9 hours. I sat by the hospital bed and watched him fade away… He was 69. Having no siblings nor any close family I had to go through everything by myself. I become a robot. I was fully functional with zero emotions. Now almost two years later, grief is overwhelming me. No one remotely understands my pain. I am becoming more and more distant to my friends because they think I should be over it by now. I see a therapist and I am living life but every single day is a struggle. Deep down there is a heart that has been shattered and I miss my family so much... I just joined this group, hoping to find others who may have had tragedies and to learn about their coping mechanisms and to also know I am not alone.