Losing a friend at 14

I lost a close friend who I talked to all the time and who I spent weekends with and could be relied on to talk to and ask for help without any judgement when we where 14. Every year has been hard and I miss her all the time. She died early in the morning 4years all from leukemia. I moved away from where anyone knew her and now here I feel like I have no one to talk to about the memories I have and the feelings I have. I feel like I have no right to grieve her when I see the way her family and friends that knew her longer talk about how the miss her on Facebook and I simultaneously feel like I am an accident I feel it should have been me that got cancer and died and it should be her that’s graduating next week. She was such a good person and I’m such a wreck. It’s horrible I’m so numb from all the loss that I keep comparing my grief pattern when she died from a drawn out illness to when my grandma died suddenly and seeing that I’m not morning the person I knew much much longer near half as much.