I’m new to this site. This all started last year, I remember it like it was just yesterday. My mom called me after lunch and told me she needed my help to get tickets to our home country. I was shocked, and asked what happened fearing the worst as I could hear the crack in her voice. She told me my grandfather (her dad) had been in an accident and had just died. He was hit by a car (a hit and run) and had agonized for a while before dying. But I found out about it when he was already dead. I quickly found tickets for that same night and informed my bosses that I had to leave immediately. I called my fiancé and told him what happened and to please pick me up. I couldn’t believe it, my grandpa was a strong man who worked until the day he died. No diseases, no high blood pressure, nothing... and we never found the person who took his life. And even though that was last year, it still hurts like it was just yesterday. Half a year later, my fiancé convinced me to go with him and friends on a weekend getaway a few states away. About 300 miles away. I had my doubts but I went anyways. It was a long drive maybe 8 hours , maybe more, but they drove at night so I tried to sleep. We got there, explored, and then checked in to our hotel and took a nap. When I woke up from that nap, my fiancé told me that I had several missed calls from my family. I thought it was because I forgot to call and tell them I arrived safely. But no, it was to tell me my uncle (my mom’s brother) had suddenly died. I was in shock, why, what happened. Turns out he was given the wrong dosage of medicine and the wrong medicine period (it conflicted with his TB diagnosis). I was 300 miles away from my family and I couldn’t drive back. I felt incompetent. I wanted to be there for my mom but I was too far away. I felt so alone. I cried a lot. I was anxious. It could not be explained. 5 months later, I received the worst news. And I don’t even know how but still I maintened a positive attitude. My brother, who is only one year older than me, was diagnosed with cancer. My whole family honestly believed he could fight it and beat it. But less than 4 months later, he passed away. We were all there in the room when he passed away. And those are images I can never erase from my head. Those last moments. And I don’t know how to deal with all this grief. And I know this is so long and yet I still have so much to say. And I don’t know if anyone will read this. But I had to write it down.