Loosing more than just my sister

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by llm’s_sister, Dec 3, 2018.

  1. llm’s_sister

    llm’s_sister New Member

    I lost my sister 10 months ago due to an overdose. We were extremely close. I had my daughter just 6 weeks before she died and we had all these plans to raise my daughter and her two girls together. With my new baby girl and a young step son, I wasn’t given much time to grieve. I had to jump right back into taking care of my family and life has been very busy ever since. I miss my sister and I still grieve when I can. But the thing that has been the most hard to deal with this past year is what the death of my sister has done to my parents. I feel like I am watching them slowly and painfully wither away. They are unrecognizable. I don’t blame them at all. I can’t imagine what they are going through and I pray I never have to find out. I feel like little pieces of them are dying everyday since the day my sister died. I can’t help them and there is nothing I can do for them. I honestly just wish to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. I hate watching my parents suffer like this. I lost my sister/best friend but they Literally lost a piece of them. And they continue to loose pieces everyday.
     
  2. Colleen60MN

    Colleen60MN Member

    I can relate to what you are going through. I lost my sissy 7 mo ago.she way my labor coach when I was a single mom. Such closeness..she was 11 mo younger . The difference is she never had kids and I had 2. My parents died before she did so they were spared that pain. The overdose is similar to your sis, too even though I'm 60, and things changed, we still talked about things we would do as old ladies. I feel like a big hole is torn through me. It hurts so much, I'm surprised people cant just see it! If I can help, write back anything you'd like. More details about her ..her interests, your interests together, little jokes. We had all that. No one can make me laugh like that gal could talk soon, colleen

    about things we would do as old ladies. I feel like a big hole is torn through me. It hurts so much, I'm surprised people cant just see it! If I can help, write back anything you'd like. More details about her ..her interests, your interests together, little jokes. We had all that. No one can make me laugh like that gal could talk soon, colleen
     
  3. llm’s_sister

    llm’s_sister New Member

    Hi Colleen! Thank you for replying. It is good to hear from someone going through something similar. I’m so sorry about your sister. It is really awesome that you were so close in age though. I’m expecting again so my two children will be about 16 months apart and I’m excited that they will be so close in age. My sister and I were 4 years apart and fought a lot when we were little but we were so close once we both became adults. Her daughter and my step son are the same age so we would get together a lot and hangout with the kids. She started cancelling on me a lot though towards the end of her life. I had no idea why at the time but I’m thinking drugs had something to do with it. She was a dog person and I’m a cat person. She was the type of person who dressed up and looked nice for every holiday and birthday and I was the complete opposite with that as well. She was very school smart. She remembered every date of anything semi important to her. She could tell you the exact date of almost anything significant in her life or even our parents or mine. She hates coffee and juice and didn’t like soda much. All she ever drank was water. We used to go to lunch almost every day when her oldest daughter was just a little baby. We’d sing in the car and act ridiculous. Other drivers would look at us like we were nuts. I miss being able to be like that with someone. I never felt more like myself than when I was with her. She was funny, and carefree, and so goofy. What was your sister like?
     
    Gina Blankenship likes this.
  4. Colleen60MN

    Colleen60MN Member

    You described how my sister and I were together we would laugh at the silliest things and we had special voices we would do from when we were little all the way through our lives together and even though she didn't have kids she was there for me but she did have the addiction problem all her life. She was my labor coach and came to see me a lot when I lived about two hours from her. Oh I miss so many little things. We were the same from the same family dysfunctional I'm the oldest of seven and I'm 60 she would be 60 this year. My daughter gave me a big party last year and it was only a few months after she died my sister that is. It was bittersweet. I cry almost everyday over her. Just cherish those moments you had with her that's what I'm trying to do. We were the opposite in some ways but her sense of humor was so awesome everyone loved her humor it was twisted just like mine LOL I mean she would do the goofiest things smear lipstick all over her face and then look at me and say did I smudge it haha I mean she'd come up to me in the store and say hi I remember you from high school boy you've gained a lot of weight stuff like that we do to each other I could go on and on back I might write a book about our time together. I am a writer but I have lost my mojo as they say. I'm doing a talk-to-text on here so not sure if this is coming through correctly. I'm going to try and find a funny picture of us and I will upload it what do you do for those times that you are so low.? She was the one I would call about the goofiest things the crazy things the stupid letters are in-laws would send etcetera it is nice to find someone who is going through the same thing even though I am a lot older than you try to have a really great week where do you live I think we live in the same state so it's try to stay warm hugs Colleen
     
  5. Colleen60MN

    Colleen60MN Member

  6. llm’s_sister

    llm’s_sister New Member

    My sister was my labor coach too! And even though I was really young at the time I was there for her first daughters birth too. We had a ton of silly voices we’d use for her girls when they were just babies. I still do the voices for my daughter but it feels so lonely now that I’m doing it alone. We’d make up silly songs and now I have no one to sing them with. But I still sing them to my daughter. It’s like a piece of her is still here and even though my daughter will never know her I will always feel like she gets to know a piece of her. I was always super close with my two nieces and I really wish she was here to have that relationship with my baby. Those times I feel super low I hug my baby tight and I go through pictures and videos of my sister. Soemtimes it makes me laugh and soemtimes it makes me cry but I always feel a little better after a good cry about her. And as for staying warm, yikes I am not leaving my house for the next couple days. Me and the kiddos are housebound until better weather. Stay safe and stay warm!
     
    Colleen60MN likes this.
  7. Chy

    Chy New Member

    I can relate to what you are going through. Am so sorry for your loss. I lost my younger sister and best friend to cancer 6 months ago. It hurts so much. She died of cancer. I watched her die. I took care of her. I feel like I failed her. I am older and I always fought her battles but this around I couldn’t. I am so sad and angry and so lonely . My mom looks so much older now. I know she is unhappy. Worst part is seems to forget she has kids still alive. It’s all about my late sister. Her death has broken up my family . She was an angel. My anchor. I feel so lost and I don’t know how to deal with this pain. Am so tired of feeling this way. Sometimes I think it would be easier to end it all.
    lose llll
     
  8. llm’s_sister

    llm’s_sister New Member

    I’m so sorry about your sister! But I completely understand what you mean by it’s like your mom forgot she has other children. My mother is the same way. It’s like she lost her only child. But she didn’t, I’m still here and I have another older sister that’s still here. My mother doesn’t come to visit and she rarely asks about how my children are doing. It hurts to see her so close to my late sisters children. Their mother isn’t here so I’m glad she’s there for them but I wish she was here for me and my kids too.

    I’m sad to hear that you think it would be better to end it all. I understand what your saying but It is never better. You’ll hurt a lot of people that way. More people care about you than you think. What about your family? Do you have other siblings? Children? A husband? Friends? Im sure you have more to live for. Keep pushing on. I can’t say it gets easier because it hasn’t for me and some days I feel so alone. My husband works third shift 5 days a week and every other weekend. Im a stay at home mom alone with the kids all the time. I thought my parents would be here to help me but they aren’t. I keep going for my kids though. They mean the world to me. And I’m creating the family for my kids that I’ve always wanted for myself.
     
  9. Chy

    Chy New Member

    It hurts feeling left out. I have an older sister but we are not close and a brother but my late sister was like my twin. She always had my back and stood by me. I feel like am floating without my anchor. I have friends but I feel so disassociated from them. I feel so angry that they are living , moving on with their lives and my sister is dead. It hurts so much and am tired of living this way. I can’t breathe most times when it gets too much to bear. Am so so tired.
     
  10. Trish68

    Trish68 New Member

    So sorry. Sometimes the emotions are just overwhelming. Some say time will heal but there are some things that can't be healed by time like a broken heart. Hope you find some peace. My older sister was my best friend also. gone after a 6 month diagnosis. Be well.