Loosing 4 in one year, I'm lost!

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by lilster, Mar 15, 2020.

  1. lilster

    lilster New Member

    I lost my close cousin in February of 2019. While trying to deal with that I had to go to Texas because my mother in law passed away, may 10th. While in Texas getting her taken care of I got a phone call from my daughter that my son has passed away from complications of diabetes. My heart . Then just before Christmas my beautiful mother in law passed away. I'm finding it difficult this year. Just getting by day by day and not having someone to talk to that understands is quite hard.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    lilster, Loss can be unforgiven. Having to face life after loss after loss is so hard. I am so sorry you are dealing with multiple losses. It is as if you need to grieve but how, for so many losses are hard to come to grips with. The totality of it all is so beyond comprehension.

    When Nadine, my wife, before her death, was told first of her younger brother's death, then her older brother's death from logging, they both were Maine woodsmen that worked in the woods with their father.

    About a year later one of her older sisters then died from Phlebitis. Then first her mother died then 6 months after that her dad died, I would say from a broken heart. As each of these deaths occurred they took a toll on my wife.

    Days were enormously hard to cope with, especially through all of those funerals so close together. Nadine had one remaining sister left, Linda, they were like bookends. The shared so much together. Nadine put on a face for others, but I knew she was so unhappy inside, her words at times were guarded. Both her two sons and I did all we could to help her through those days.

    Linda came to stay with us for extended periods, which helped so much, as she too had lost her husband to pneumonia. I won't talk of my losses, Nadine's are more important to me. Life seemed so fast at times, then days would crawl.

    When we all sat down and watched home movies, or went through our thousands of photos it was as if a beautiful light opened up for the both of them. Their tears flowed, as did ours, but through all of those muffled cries, and immense hugs, it was as if time was finally helping both of them face their tremendous losses together.

    It is hard to put in words, what kinship had meant to them. So they shared, as did I, those troubled times and talked and talked, about all their forgotten times, and life as they grew up as children together.

    I remember Nadine and Linda talking of their life, the five brothers and sisters lived over a barn, they had an outhouse outside. In the winter they hated the trip to the outhouse, but it was one of life's hardships and necessary evils. At night they all were warm under many heavy blankets.

    Their mother was a state teacher, so they all were taught in one room in a schoolhouse. I would say all of them (all five) were smart, their mother had guided them well.

    I remember watching the Waltons and how uncanny it was how this girl and her family I came to love were so much like that show. They grew up poor, but rich with love, faith and togetherness you could not put a price on.

    When I look back, when I was in Vietnam, and writing to her, what struck me the most about her was her openness to me. I couldn’t help but admire her, and want to tell her everything about myself, all the good, all the bad, and my hopes and wishes for life.

    So I will say loss is awful, multiple losses are even more troubling, but please just know that this tremendous grief you now suffer, while scary, is something you can overcome. Please just don’t ever give up, don’t despair, just remember all the good, and keep looking out for your own well being. One day, with time, and lot’s of tears, your sorrow will start to lessen if you will just open up and talk, talk, talk.

    Peace be with you tonight. May each day forward be the start of your healing.

    -david

    A song for you





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  3. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your losses. Did you have 2 mother in laws? Losing someone close can be really hard. Losing several close together can be devastating. I pray for you to get stronger each day