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Long term grief of a parent

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Tara Williams, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Tara Williams

    Tara Williams Member

    When I was 16 years old my mother died at the hands of her husband. He murdered her in our house and placed her dead body in my bedroom for me to find once I got home. The night prior to this incident I had a nightmare that my mother was going to die and my mothers last words to me were "Tell me you love me because might not be here when you get home." I keep replaying this scenario in my head and I have suppressed my grief for years. Recently I reconnected with a childhood friend who went through the same thing and it has caused all of my emotions to resurface which has causede to feel as if this just happened all over again. I have tried counseling but I didn't feel that it really helped. I have started making irrational decisions and feel as if I have given up on happiness.
     
    Boze likes this.
  2. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    I’m glad it wasn’t you. I’m glad you are here writing.
     
  3. Tara Williams

    Tara Williams Member

    Thank you. I thought death gets better with time and it does not!
     
  4. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    My experience- it gets tolérable. But, have I ever woken up and said “I don’t miss them?” Nope. You take the pictures down, etc. It doesn’t change anything.
     
  5. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    I lost someone when I was twelve in a car crash. It was my older sister. I now have reason to believe she was murdered. She was barely 19 years old. I’m now 66 years old.
     
  6. Tara Williams

    Tara Williams Member

    Wow that is tough because you will never really know the truth. I had that happen with my father. He was murdered and dumped in front of a house. I believe my uncle (my fathers brother) had something to do with it. All we can do is trust in God and know he will make all matters straight.
     
  7. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    Yeah....maybe. But for me I expect to make the people responsible understand they will not repeat their actions without others knowing. Warning others is part of being a responsible adult.
     
  8. Tara Williams

    Tara Williams Member

    I totally agree. It just sucks that people like that have no regard for human life.
     
  9. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    It’s very difficult for children either accidentally or incidentally exposed to this type of anti-social tragedy to understand human evil like an adult might. For example an adult might go on-line and find out about Cluster B or Cluster C types as an explanation. Children’s minds are not complex enough to grasp what that would mean to them. They think in simplifications. They speak in simplifications.
     
  10. Tara Williams

    Tara Williams Member

    Thats very true. So i had 2 grow up not understanding why this happened. As an adult i did research the DSM different personality types and their behavior so I was able to understand my mothers murderer perspective he was mentally ill but I just think she was such a great person! Why her
     
  11. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    I agree- do you think she could have been an empath. I don’t mean empathetic. Empaths don’t have a Judge inside to help them sort through who is bad (maybe dangerous) and who is good, or not dangerous.
    Any of us can suffer from it momentarily. That’s how people get baited to their deaths unknowingly. Richard Ramirez had victims who momentarily couldn’t perceive he would kill them for example. But ‘empaths’ can know a person for awhile and not know that they are showing something signs of extreme abnormality.