My husband was clean for 2 years prior to his death so it became such a shock that he choose to use heroin and in that one decision ended his life. I have thought about it over and over but still couldnt see any signs that i missed, his appetite was normal he worked all day everyday and at that time i took him and picked him up bc his truck wasnt working, he was happy and smiling as we just found out 3 days prior that we were expecting what became our second daughter. I have never had a problem with drugs and cant help but think that i shouldve seen something off or understood what he was going through done something. He worked the majority of the time and made all the money. He was our rock and its been a struggle in many ways since he died in august. Having his daughter in the middle of quarantine was the most emotional experience ever and still hurts everyday as she looks just like him but will never see him only in photos. The birth certificate doesnt even name him as i have to file a petition to admend it. I want to move on and find some peace but i cant especially when i relive some memories as the year goes on without him. I used to think I could still feel him at times but i havent been able to for awhile.