Life after my son's traumatic brain injury

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by Jazz, Dec 11, 2016.

  1. Jazz

    Jazz Member

    On February 4th my son was hit by a car while riding very fast down a hill with no helmet and he received a traumatic brain injury and a broken left femur. His brain surgeon prepared me as I travel to California to be with him that he most likely would not be alive when I arrived. He turned 21 just days after he woke from the two-week coma.
    Miracles happened and he appeared to make a full recovery until they put his skull cap back in a month ago. He married the girl who stood by his side. I stayed with him and California for almost 3 months with him and my blind husband. Long story short, we had his wedding reception yesterday and he clearly does not want anything to do with any of his family. I even shaved my head bald for him when he had his accident . He is my baby boy and my heart is absolutely ripped out right now. I realized last night that I lived for my children and I feel like I'm very mentally unstable over the loss of my son as he was before.
     
  2. Anna Goodwin

    Anna Goodwin New Member

    Don't feel that way. My daughter who is no longer with us had TBI 10 yrs. ago. Family difficulties and her remaining deficiencies tore our family apar. She got cancer four yrs. later, battled cancer for 4 years, then died. It could be worse, but if you can bring him back to you, and love him, it would be better.
    You must move forward and accept your son as he is today, he needs that from you very much. I understood that right away, and let her know that she was smart, and that I loved her very much. TBI is very very difficult to deal with, but the loss of a child much greater. I went from CA. To N.J. To take care of my daughter, 5 months first time, 3 months when she was dying. I hope this helps you.
     
  3. Jazz

    Jazz Member

    Anna,
    I don't even know what to say :-( I grieve for you and wish I could wrap my arms around you and fix it. Honestly I think it will be many years before he comes back. I stayed with him for 2 months and then went back when he had his skull cap put back in. Your reply was extremely helpful to me and thank you for taking the time to reply. I decided since I can't change it I will try to understand TBI. I also took the step of coming on this site. I also found a support group that meets once a month. Something changed in me after his accident and I and making great efforts to deal with this and handle it.
     
  4. Anna Goodwin

    Anna Goodwin New Member

    Jazz, you must accept what has happened for your son's sake. Since I was by my daughter's bed in the hospital, I had time to adapt day by day. No one tells you anything. But then I started reading up on the subject, and the more I read, the more I understood. I read books and books and books on TBI, and finally after two years had passed I wrote a book on the subject for other mothers, but Christina would not allow me to publish. I have only one copy left for myself, but the book would help you a great deal. First you must accept what has happened to your son. I went every day to watch Christina go through a gruesome procedure of therapy. Physical and mental. It allowed me the time to ponder and reflect at what had happened to my daughter. I knew that if I didn't accept-quickly that I would slow down my daughter's progress. I hope this helps you somewhat. AG
     
  5. Jazz

    Jazz Member

    I'm so sorry I did not see your reply. You sound so much like me it's incredible. I would not want your only copy of the book because I think that is very dear to you but thank you so much for offering :) this new year is going to start new beginnings. Hugs to you my friend. And yes it did help.
     
  6. Anna Goodwin

    Anna Goodwin New Member

    Jazz,
    First step first. Acceptance, then read as much as you can on the subject so that you can help your son. Remember he is no longer the person you knew, he is a different person, and with your love for him, you will be able to accept him as he is today and move forward in helping him in any way that you can. Anna
     
  7. Jazz

    Jazz Member

    You are right and I have decided to educate myself. This is definitely the most difficult thing that I've had to deal with. I found a support group in our area but they only meet once a month. Thank you so much for your support.