I am an adult married person with one child and I share a household with my parents. My father received his hospice referral with a prognosis of six months or less three months ago. He wanted to die at home so my mother and I became his primary caretakers (mostly my mother with the diaper changes, feedings and me with the administrative stuff) for the last three months. We were advised by the assessment nurse that Dad had entered "the dying stage" and the end of life was very near last week. We've sat by his bed, held his hand, told him we loved him, we'll always be with him and always be together and he'll always be with us. He had a four day rally and sat down at the dinner table with us one last time, called each one of us to his room, told he loved us, to take care of each other, we were good people, and goodbye. After three long months of watching Dad deteriorate in front of us, he passed away yesterday morning at 6:49am. Even though we knew the inevitable was death and we had three painful but blessed months in which we could say goodbye, I was not prepared for just how painful his passing would be. I am relived that he is no longer in his sick, painful deteriorating body but it still hurts so bad knowing he's no longer here physically. I can't see him breathe. I can't hear his voice. I can't squeeze his hand and he can't squeeze mine back. I told him that we would always be together and he would always be with us, but he feels so gone. I can't feel him anymore. I can't feel his presence. I feel like I am going crazy because if I can't feel his presence or spirit with me, then where did he go? Where is he? I keep seeking reassurance like a crazy person trying to confirm to myself that he is indeed in a better place but I can't feel him with me. He just feels so gone.