For the longest time I tried to understand why I couldn't move forward in my life after losing my wife. It wasn't until today after I watched a televsion episode of New Amsterdam. Someone was dealing with the loss of their spouse and it helped me understand I was seeing myself in him. I have been caring and giving for my wife, my brother, my sister, and my sons for so long I forgot the most important person in my life - ME. I look back and I see I was so concerned with others, I didn't realize I needed the most help. I am not saying forget others and only work on yourself, I am stating that in order to heal you also have to help yourself. I basically let myself go, gaining weight, not buying new clothes, and also neglecting my overall health, like my eyes, my teeth and how I felt physically. In a weeks time I will be having my last 6 remaining real teeth pulled and full dentures given to me on that day. I forgot about my smile, I felt there was nothing to smile about, I was so shut off inside of myself that I couldn't look myself in the mirror and see what I was becoming. Well, this man on that show had others worried for him that he wasn't dealing with his loss because they couldn't see it so they didn't think he was grieving. They finally realized that his actions were actually dealing with his loss and he was indeed grieving. So it took him to make me realize that I finally was stepping on that bridge, and thinking about myself and how I cared about myself. When I get those dentures I will finally have a smile I can be proud of again. I can finally work towards my next step on that bridge, the rest of my health. So even though what I am telling you is very personal, I don't care, to me that is my first honest step in the right direction in a very, very long time.