Just One Day At A Time

Hello everyone my name is Karen and I sure hope I'm doing the correctly because I realized for days now maybe longer that I need to talk because I'm drowning. I dont even know where to begin but here go. On Jan 3, 2020 i lost my best friend the beat of heart and and the only man I believed loved me for me. This man Morgan was so good and wonderful to me that I had no problem doing anything for him he made it easy. For just about 17 years we were almost joined at hip still individuals but still together. We talked about everything we had date night pillow talk , laughter we had our own language and our own handshake, we played jokes on each other which I must say was HILARIOUS! We lived in NYC for forever doing the hustle and bustle with good jobs. In 2008 I was diagnosed with MS and let me tell he cried more than I did . But do know he came to just about every meeting, the MS Walk gathered family& friends to join us he informed them to keep them educated. When I tell you this man never left my side he washed me, help me brush my teeth , cooked and fed me when I couldn't hold a fork he said you don't have MS we have MS. And yes I tried on several occasions to sabotage the relationship because I said he didnt sign on for this so I prepared myself to be ALONE. Well he sure fooled me this man didnt move it didnt phase him not one bit he moved Heaven & Earth to make sure I was happy. So now, I'm at a place where I am lost I mean so lost that I'm drowning slowly cant catch my breathe I cry all the time holidays coming around we spent every holiday since we got together he loved when I cooked and decorated it would drive him NUTS because I would go with anything that was going to be festive but he knew it made me happy. The holidays were usually just us we didnt care of nobody came to the house he would say WELL JUICY ITS JUST ME AND YOU and I would say just how we like it ( although family did come ) we thought no one would come because we moved to Syracuse in 2014 he would ain't nobody it's cold well let me tell you they all FOOLED US they came. He was a Army veteran and he was so disciplined and on time which worked out for the both of us because I'm slightly OCD and dont like being late. My goodness you have idea how good this makes me feel right now that I can talk about these things knowing that somebody else maybe going through the same thing and that just maybe I'm not alone. I do have a strong faith and strength because sometimes I just dont want to be here but then I Thank God that I am I owe him so much because hes helping me to try and heal because the brokenness i feel is unbearable it feels like someone just snatched my heart out and left me there to die. Hopefully I can express my feelings again because I am so lost to the point where I don't want to be found. Now I'm going to leave this thread with a prayer
DEAR LORD I ASK THAT YOU CONTINUE TO GIVE US PEACE IN OUR HEARTS HELP US TO SEE THAT YOU WILL NOT FORSAKE US. THAT YOU HEAR OUR CRIES AND YOU CARRY OUR BURDENS RIGHT ON YOUR HEART AND THAT YOU COVER US WITH YOUR HOLY BLOOD.

AMEN

 

God bless you. He sounds like a wonderful person and your relationship beautiful. My heart breaks for you and all of us for our losses.

 

Oh wow Thank you so much I appreciate it. I felt i needed to do something talk to someone do grief counseling but because of this covid I know it's not safe. So I have looking to see if there was something online that I could express what I feel everyday and i tell you its unbearable and suffocating, I truly feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. When morgan was alive we both recieved the news that my only child was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year Dec17. Now my daughter is not his but you would never know because he spoiled her as if she was 3. He cried and said to me buy the plane ticket and go be with our baby. So we went all through the Christmas Holiday knowing this I was scheduled to leave Jan 7 and he passed away Jan 3rd. So I had to figure out what to do plan his funeral transport his body back to Queens and just deal. My daughter flew out to from Ga to Syracuse we drove to NYC and I buried him on Jan 19, 2020. Came back to Syracuse on the Jan 21 and flew out to Georgia with my daughter on the 23rd because she had a round of test scheduled so I have been here with her since Jan. My point to this is I never had time to process anything I was running on adrenaline and a high one at that so I guess between morgan passing and then my daughter I became numb inside and just broken into a million pieces. I miss him so much that I cant breathe sometimes but I have to hold it altogether for my child because now she is all I have but I know I'm wounded and deeply borrowed by all of it. That's I use Just One Day At A Time because if i think about anything else I may not make through. Peace and Love to all of us that is going through what we are going through I know it's not easy but i guess JUST ONE DAY AT A TIME

 

Morgan's Love,
I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my soul mate, my confidante, the love of my life, my best friend, my heart, my soul and my world 10 days ago when I lost my husband, Ronnie, to a sudden illness. Contact me and we can talk. I'm hurting like you are. I can't eat. Can't sleep. Can barely function. Am dreading the holidays. Wish God would take me in my sleep. No one understands this acute grief. They think divorce makes them understand. I'm 57 and hoping God will make my life short. I have nothing to live for anymore. But I'm here for you, as broken as I am, my friend.

 

My heart goes out to both of you. I have also lost my life’s love, my husband, on July 17th. It has been a very hard journey, and I miss him every day, all day. I can only do one day, sometimes one hour at a time. To think about my future without him is too much. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I can’t. I have not slept a full night in months. My focus is on honoring him and living my life the way we had planned. I am praying for peace and will include you both in my prayers.

 

Hi Maggie its Morgans Love... I just read your post and it broke my heart to know that someone else is feeling the same acute pain that I am because I dont want no one else to feel this type of pain. I am alone with really the only man that i know truly me for just plain old me is no longer here besides my dad that's still here my Morgan is gone he left me and i know i know he didnt want but God called home. I struggle so bad i have MS and he helped me so much he washed me when i couldnt he brush my teeth when i couldnt he fed me when i couldnt hold a simple fork and he did it effortlessly and lovingly and now hes gone so I'm by myself to handle this disease alone. Hes helped battle this since 2008 hes been right there now hes gone. My eyes be so swollen from crying it looks like I've been in a boxing match. So believe Maggie I know what you are going through and im so sorry but im so grateful to have this platform just to talk about what we feel everyday and hope at the same time we can get some healing. Please continue to reach out to me I'll be here. Peace and Love

 

Hello JMD... my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry that you are going through this especially during the holidays and really every single day. I too have a hard time eating even sleeping I really dont want to talk to anybody because I know I wont make a very good conversationalist so I avoid it. I try to keep in touch through texts just to let his family and family know I'm still breathing because it is hard on them too he was the oldest of 8 so they are taking it hard and worried about my mental stability. And to be honest so am I, I hope we all find peace in our hearts, spirits and souls please continue to reach out to me and hopefully we all can help one another. Peace n Love

 

My Forever Morgan,
Girlfriend, I wished I lived next door to you. I would do whatever I could to make your life easier. My life is shattered, my heart is broken, and I can't stop shaking and hurting, but I wish we could get together for a cup of whatever just so we could be with one another. How does anyone get past this hurt? It runs so deep and occupies my every waking moment. The pain is indescribable.

I wish God would take me in my sleep.

 

Aww Thank you so much I really appreciate that. It's a struggle everyday I know and at times I wish I could take wings and fly just fly away because I miss him so much. The holidays are here and although I try to be cheerful it's kind of done with a half smile and nod of the head with the usual IM OK, IM FINE. I have become so good with that til I amaze myself at times saying WOW Karen that was pretty convincing good job. When deep down I am drowning and cant breathe cant eat because my Morgan isn't here. This is the 1st Christmas / New Years in 17 years that we wouldnt be together I dread Christmas and I dread the 3rd of every month because he passed on Jan 3rd and that was the day my life changed forever. Peace and Love and please keep in contact with me we can give each support

 

What you wrote is truly beautiful and May it help all of us in 2021. God hears our prayers and cries for help and guidance. He is always with us.