Just Existing

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Marti, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. Marti

    Marti New Member

    I lost my husband on Easter Sunday 2016. My husband suffered from Marfans Syndrome his whole life. He lived a very full life but was struck down very unexpected by a embolism. I had to make the very final decision to remove him from a ventilator so he could pass away. I felt I gave him a gift. I have not felt guilty about the decision as we spoke about the what ifs during our marriage. But I don't know what to do next. How do I move on? These questions go through my mind each and every day. I have a multitude of different emotions. Scared to let people know exactly how I feel. Just taking one day at a time. It feels like ground hog day everyday.

  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Marti, thank you for being here. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. One of the biggest challenges of losing our loved ones, besides the ache and sadness of missing them, is the challenge in what's next or where to go from here? We become so accustomed to our lives the way they are, and also to who we are with the people we share our lives with. Right now you're just learning what this new life, and new "normal" looks like. It takes a lot of time, but I can tell you that there are so many people here who can relate to this struggle and all you're going through. I hope you find the support and connection you need, I wish you all the best in moving forward...
  3. john

    john Active Member

    hi marti
    Yes I agree with griefic finding the new normal takes a
    very long time I'm not sure what my new normal is for me yet still trying to fid that out
    it helps to be around a lot of understanding people that have been in the same situation cause no one understand
    Dawn Reilly and Gloria J like this.
  4. Linnea Pearson

    Linnea Pearson New Member

    I lost my mom April 19th this year after a very quick bout with stomach cancer. Best friend, first love and mom, all in one. I grieve daily. I want you to know you will not be "normal" again; there is no such thing. Each person is unique in how they handle loss. Talk when you can- see a therapist, grief counselor or group. You will, in time, be able to decide where your life path is going, and how to proceed. I may not know you personally, but believe me when I say I love you and wish you the best.
    Dawn Reilly likes this.
  5. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Linnea, John, Marti,
    I am very sorry about all your losses and sadly, I know all too well exactly how you feel. I also lost my Mom last year and I really have no family left. My Dad died nearly 12 years ago and it seems like yesterday. I am also healing from a divorce which ended a 25 year relationship and that is very much a death as well. I'm not quite sure whether it's more difficult when someone you love dies or when someone you believed to have really loved you, lies and betrays you. I think they are both hard to deal with and each presents a different type of emptiness in your life.
    "Normal," is not something you will ever be again, but somewhere along the way you will find "New." I am still searching for that and trust me when I tell you and understand that it's an ongoing process. Some days are ok, some are close to good and others are unbearable. I haven't gotten to "great" yet, but I hope one day I will.
    Although my heart breaks each time I read and communicate with someone here on this site, I also feel a tremendous amount of peace and comfort in knowing that there are so many people who understand and are fighting the same battle. People will tell you that death and loss are part of life and you need to accept it and move on. Unless they have personally been through it, they don't know truly what a challenge that is.

    I have many wonderful memories to fall back on, which I'm sure many of us do. I'm also very thankful that I was able to make sure that with both my parents, I was there in the end and they each knew how much I loved and cherished them. The only regret I have is that there wasn't nearly enough time.

    I know this time of year can be extremely hard when you've lost someone. It is for me.
    I hope and pray that everyone here finds the strength and comfort to continue the healing process and that one day all of our tears will be accompanied by a smile when we think of all the wonderful people we had in our lives.
    Dawn Reilly likes this.
  6. Dawn Reilly

    Dawn Reilly New Member

    I lost my husband 4 weeks ago. He slipped and fell down 5 steps inside our home. After 3.5 weeks in the hospital and thinking he was going to come home he passed. There's no need to go into all the details. The end result is still the same. He's gone. My wonderful, loving, caring husband is gone. He was my everything. Our children grieve terribly. I keep thinking, I'm 51 years old and a widower. Some days are intolerable. My mind is manic. I miss him. I'm lost without him. My heart feels eternal sadness.
  7. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Dawn,
    I don't even know what to say. I am so very sorry about your husband. To lose your soulmate so suddenly and at such a young age is beyond comprehension. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
    I have experienced a good deal of loss in my life also. Both parents, sister, niece, and my now ex-husband-through deceit and betrayal.
    It has only been 4 weeks since your husband died and it's so raw right now and you're still in shock.
    I know the same things don't work for everyone, but having people to talk to is often comforting. Perhaps that's what brought you to this site. There is a good deal of compassion and understanding here and that's something we all need.
    Also to be heard.
    No disrespect intended at all, but I just want to give you my thoughts.
    Grief is something very individual. There is no time limit and you can't allow people to dictate a timeline for healing. Sometimes it takes your entire life.
    The most important thing right now is for you to take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids. I don't know what your support system is, but lean on those people that you have and trust.
    And be kind to yourself. Try to get as much rest as you can and eat healthy.
    And when you need to vent, cry, scream,
    whatever....do it. Just let your feelings be.
    And when you need help, someone to listen or perhaps some advice...please come to this site. I think you'll find it here.
    I hope each day is a bit easier for you than the day before and again, I am very sorry for your loss.
  8. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Hi John:
    I haven't heard from you in a couple of days. I was just thinking of you and hoping you're doing as well as can be expected.

    Take good care.