Just another day.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Barry, Jun 28, 2020.

  1. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Another day alone. Days, weeks, almost another month. The 8th month. Doesn't seem to matter what happens, I'm always alone. Even if I'm surrounded by people. I know I have a lot going for me but still I'm so sad most of the time. I miss my old self, my old life. I don't cry as often but some days 3 or 4 times. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so glad I have work tomorrow. Get me out of my head for a while. Count my blessings.
     
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  2. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Barry, I know exactly how you feel. It will be 9 k months for me on July 6th. It’s sad. Lonely and miserable. I don’t even feel like the same person as before. I am retired and sometimes I think shit I should just got back to work but then I think no. I worked for so long and deserve this retirement, it’s just not fun without my hubby. Going away for a while so maybe that will help. Good luck and god bless
     
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  3. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling well. Another night where I need to go to bed and don't want to. 4:15am comes quick. I just go through the motions scared and lonely. I don't know this person that I am now and don't know how to live life this way. I'm blessed also as things could be alot worse in ways but I just don't know where I'm going from here.....I cry almost daily. Multiple times a day. Littlest things bring it on....Covid isolation when I'm not at work makes it even worse. If we could socialize it would somehow help. Maybe.....
     
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  4. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I agree and understand completely.
     
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  5. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I don't have time nor the desire to socialize. I'm alone even if I'm in a crowd. I work a lot of hours. When I get home there's everyday chores, fix something to eat, then bed. Peg ran the house. I was so spoiled!
     
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  6. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Hello yes so alone and life is so busy and yet all the work and chores don't help. You sit down and it is too quiet.
     
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  7. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I'm not a big socializer either. I just mean if things felt normal in general again like they were before without all the masks, etc. I still feel alone around people and feel that everyone at work is staring at me and waiting for another breakdown. Work is like that. I feel everyone just looks at me and feels sorry for me....I don't like "attention" and always feel better in the background. When I'm out, I feel very vulnerable. Like everyone that sees me knows what all is going on in my life and that I'm alone.
     
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  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I can’t help but think if we could go in a store if we need something and not wear a mask, or have a friend stop by for a cup of coffee, that we would each feel some better. Some normalcy. What we all have now is grieving and missing our loved ones and this virus is making things so much worse.
    I’m with you guys, I don’t know who I am any more and I look in the mirror and I don’t look the same at all. I’ve aged over this and lost so much weight.
    I totally understand how you feel, as if everyone knows what is going on. But that’s our pain, we’re not used to being alone and we feel vulnerable.
    One day at a time, baby steps.
     
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  9. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    Very vulnerable. Felt it when I met the yard "kid" yesterday outside and walked the property with him yesterday and talked about mom and Jerry as if they were in the house. He is 22yo, stutters and lives in another town but has the nerve and anxiety problems we do. He just lost his grandma a few months ago and is wrestling with that trauma. He saw her pass too and his 3 dogs still go to her back door, I guess he lives next door, and waits for her to open the door. I just said I had 3 people pass in the last 2 mos and started to cry. He teared up too and was gonna hug me. I said no and moved back. Just said I hadn't been tested. He had already told me he's been tested 5 times all negative. His 'partner' he said has it and has cancer too, stage 3 with a 75% survival rate.
     
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  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I think you did a good thing if you hired him to do your lawn. He’s grieving his grandma, and his dogs are too. He’s trying to make money as best he can. You and this young man are in the same boat you might say. This could be a good find for him and you.
    He sounds like a nice guy who took care of his grandma.
     
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  11. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    Yes it seems he has issues too. Just don't know how long I can afford him.
     
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