Its hard but I must find away to move ahead

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Miss. Elegant, Dec 18, 2016.

  1. Miss. Elegant

    Miss. Elegant New Member

    But HOW. WHEN I'M THINKING OF HOW OR IF THIS REALLY happened it hurts when I only could come out with. It's real ,that's when it seems I just can't deal with the truth. But I'm new here and already feel like I'm not alone and things will work out.
    Thompj07 and griefic like this.
  2. Gitta

    Gitta Member

    Miss.Elegant, I feel the same way.Get up in the morning with good intentions, but they go away fast and by the time I go to bed I have done nothing but feel lonely and sorry for myself.
    It is a vicious cycle and I don't know how to get out of it.
    Best wishes Gitta
    Agm52, Carolyn24, Thompj07 and 2 others like this.
  3. i feel the same way
    Carolyn24, Thompj07 and Gitta like this.
  4. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Gitta, Mindee and Miss. Elegant:
    I know all too well how you each feel, having lost so much myself in the past 15 years. Daughter, Dad, Mom (last May), beloved pet and many friends as well. I am also trying to heal from a painful divorce, which is very much a death as well. Betrayal is a hard thing to recover from.

    For me, the last 15 years and when I think about it...much longer- has been an emotional roller coaster. There have been more days than not, that I have had to force myself to move and do the things that I needed to do. And certainly there were days that it was just a struggle to keep breathing. So suffice to say, I do know how you feel.

    It takes quite a bit of inner strength and fortitude to keep going and when you feel like you can' find a site like this. That in itself takes courage. Just to reach out to others, but it is so worth it.

    I recently turned 63 and if you had told me that I would wind up by myself at this point in my life, I would have never believed you. Things are not as I had planned, so it's time to pull together and find "Plan B." Yes, easier said than done.

    Please do not take offense when I say this, because I mean no harm. It's very easy to throw a "pity party" for yourself each day and just wallow there. And there's no denying that life is quite unfair and it really sucks sometimes, so feeling lousy is more than justified. However you get to a point where you know and realize in your heart that it serves no purpose and does you no good. So how do you make it better? Well, I can only share what works for me and perhaps it will give you some insights.

    I appreciate the things I have first and foremost. Aside from my beloved cat and my nice home, which I've worked hard for, I am still relatively healthy. For that I'm grateful. And although I'm alone and often feeling isolated, I have something that I haven't had throughout a lousy and emotionally abusive marriage, and that would be peace and inner contentment. And the most important thing I'm grateful for is that I know I'm a survivor. I feel as if I've been to hell and back at least 1/2 dozen times and I feel confident that no matter what life serves up for me, I can handle it. That in itself is liberating.

    I really don't believe in "true love" anymore and it's hard for me to trust people because I've been hurt so much. I just refuse to allow that to paralyze me. Even if I have to do it alone, I make sure I enjoy the things that bring me pleasure. Like listening to music, planting in my garden, horseback riding, writing in my journals, reading and just getting out and enjoying the day. You never know who you'll run into. I also started to do volunteer work and that brings me joy. There is always someone who is worse off than you and it's amazing how little it takes to make someone happy. That helps quite a bit and I think it also honors the memory of my parents because they would be proud.

    I'm not saying it's easy by any means. Life is just something you have to learn to navigate and unfortunately losing loved ones and dealing with grief is part of it.

    Wishing you ladies strength to move forward and comfort in dealing with your losses.

    Be Well~Ellen
    melmur, Carolyn24, Thompj07 and 3 others like this.
  5. Gitta

    Gitta Member

    Hi Mindee, hope you feel better today.I am trying to stay busy today, the sun is shining so maybe I will be able to get things done.
    I hope you have a nice Sunday
  6. Jen5169

    Jen5169 Member

    Some days I can get a lot done and other days I feel so stuck in my chair. I try not to be hard on myself, because I know grieving is a process.
    Thompj07 likes this.
  8. jen, i feel that way too, iam in a fog somedays i still ask why did my bestfriend have to die i cannot believe she is gone
    Jen5169 likes this.
  9. Jen5169

    Jen5169 Member

    Oh I know how you feel..Little by little,inch by inch, I am going forward but it is a rough road. But I am doing much better, I lost my love almost a year ago.
  10. Sue Scott

    Sue Scott New Member

    I'm in the same boat as you!!! And new to this site.
    Carolyn24 likes this.
  11. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Welcome Sue, and everyone else here. We are so glad you have found us and hope this site can be a help to you. If you have any questions or if there is anything you need, please let us know. Take care~
  12. Diane Alessi-Petree

    Diane Alessi-Petree New Member

    Carolyn24 likes this.
  13. Diane Alessi-Petree

    Diane Alessi-Petree New Member

    I have to say what you wrote is beautiful. I'm dealing with so much I don't quite know which end is up. Just when I'm ready to give up a d give in, something humbles me. How ever been having hard time exsisting. Again thak you for sharing
    Sincerely Diane A Petree
    griefic likes this.
  14. Carolyn24

    Carolyn24 Guest

    Me too.