Where do i begin?... They say when you lose a parent it is the most difficult thing any living being could ever face. I have read alot of articles about women losing their mothers but not many sons have posted about their feelings. Alot of people say that writing about your mother is a good way of releasing some of your pain. Its been a year since my mother passed away and I still go through those last few days with her every moment of every day. My mother had been suffering with migraines for a few years but we never thought much of it, neither did she. She would go and do her regular check ups but nothing out of the blue. I moved away to another city, 5 hours away, 3 years ago, it never seemed like it would be a problem in the long run. Every month for almost 2 years i would go and spend time with my parents who have been separated for 7 years now. But live in the same house, still caring for each other and being civil. I remember if i dont call her at 7am every morning, she would call me at 11am to ask me if i forgot about her. My mother had been through the worst life, id seen it with my own eyes. But somehow she would never ever show it. She was the strongest person i know. They say mothers have the strongest bond with their sons... She was my best friend, my one true friend... There was never a time where she would tell me no for anything reasonable i would ask for. Everything was going to be perfect, thats what i thought, she wasnt sickly or anything. My sister and I had a plan to move our parents up to our city 2 years ago, mom had the best job offers but she would keep saying "it didnt come through", looking back the signs were there that she kept pulling away from the idea of being near us. We would always ask her whats wrong but never would she say that anything is worrying her. She would keep promising to come by us and live with us. But thats what cancer does they say. We had no idea that she was in so much of pain. Her tummy was getting bigger but we never asked her about it. As she would always joke about it. My mother hated hospitals and being on medication, but she did go to the doctor many times without anyone knowing. She was so tough that for five years nobody, and still to date, nobody would know that she had been fighting cancer in the womb. And still too she gave me the signs, my mother passed away on 5 June 2019. On the 28th of May 2019 she had asked me to pay for her Doctor's bill, without asking why I made the payment. 3 days later I was to come to her town for a friends funeral. Which was held on 2 June 2019. I booked a return flight back for the 2nd of June. 31st of May i was with my parents at their home, spending time with them, mom used to make the most amazing snowballs, which she had made for me to bring back home. The Saturday out of nowhere she insisted that we go away for the weekend and come back in time for the funeral on Sunday. And we did. Sunday came and I went for the funeral, i came back home ready to leave when she insists that i rebook my flight to leave back on Wednesday the 5th. She spoke to my boss about extra leave days and changed the flights... One thing about my mother, shes worked at her site for over 20 years, not once has she taken leave from work at month end. But again i thought nothing of it. The Monday came and we went shopping, she and I sat and had coffee where she was telling me about her monies and things but i paid no attention to the details of the conversation. Thinking back i realize that she was giving me signs again. If i had only known then what i know now... Thats what hurts the most. Tuesday came and it was my aunts birthday, I took mom to her college classes and waited till she was done. She called me to come upstairs before leaving to meet her friends. Apparently they knew "her baby was coming to spend time with her"... Going home mom kept complaining about very very bad headaches, i assured her that it was because her classroom was very hot as i was also getting a slight headache just standing there for 5 minutes. I told her that once we get home she can have a shower and eat some food, she will feel alot better. We got home and she ate a few bites of supper but kept complaining about headaches. She decided to go into the shower to cool her head down. A few minutes later i was rushing her to the hospital as she kept vomiting. We reached the hospital, the doctors were of no help. Her blood pressure was very very high, which was a shock as mom always suffered from low BP... A few moments later she had gone unconscious. We arranged for a brain scan to be done. The doctors confirmed that a vessel had popped in her brain and was causing bleeding in the brain. And she had to be operated on. But the doors kept closing on us... They couldn't operate, we couldn't move her to the other hospital due to regulations, we couldn't keep her in the initial hospital. Things were just not working out. Finally we had to move her to another hospital for the night and then move her to the surgeon at another hospital in the morning for operation. So we agreed that would be the best option. She saw us but we kept telling her to rest, and that she will be fine. My dad went with her, i came home with the intention of swapping with my dad in the morning knowing mom will be fine. This was about 11pm. At 2am my dad calls me to rush down to the new hospital as things took a turn for the worst. I make my way there, praying the whole way. Where im told when I reach that mom stopped breathing in the ambulance and they had to resuscitate her 2 minutes away from the hospital. When i went to the ward, i stood probably about 5 meters away, and pointed and said "thats not my mother" and walked out in tears. Broken... She had pipes going into her mouth, ventilation they said. Dad grabbed me in his arms where i truly broke for the first time in my entire life, i felt my heart crack a little. The doctors told us that she is stable. My dad being a heart patient, with 4 heart attacks to his name at 47 years old, i made sure to take him home to relax abit and take his medication. We didnt sleep, waiting for 8am to go back to the hospital to meet with the doctors as we were told that we cannot move her to the surgeons hospital at 5am. We go there in the morning 5th June, she was in the same unconscious coma state, looking at her i kept feeling my heart crack more and more... I was asked to meet with the head of surgery, where i was told that she has at most till the next morning, if they were to operate she would become a vegetable. If they move her she could die just moving a few meters. It had never hit me at that time, as all i could think about was how is dad going to take this news. We took him away to eat and have his meds, we told him what we heard. But i believe in miracles, i kept praying for one. That day probably around 200 people came and saw her, the words i kept hearing from everyone was "she kept saying her baby is coming to spend time with her" like mom knew all of this was going to happen... Why force me to stay those few extra days?... My sister came and sat there with mom... I couldn't handle seeing the strongest person i know in so much of pain and suffering that even they cant fight through. Later that evening everyone was told to leave. My sister, dad and myself were allowed to stay sitting around mom. We sat praying and talking to her, we know she could hear us as tears kept falling from her closed eyes. I sat on one side holding her warm hand, my sister and dad on the other side. We were crying, pleading to her to open her eyes to see us, my sister cried out "mom you made me come so far to see you but you dont even want to open your eyes and look at me" a few moments later i felt mom grab my hand so tight, she barely sat up, opened her eyes completely and looked at the 3 of us. She gently laid back down, closed her eyes, her heart beat went up to 200 and slowly started going down...
