It only worse

paul tinker · May 29, 2020

AML,

I will just say, exactly. I spent months holding on to and reliving, tortuous missing, all of it. The obsession thinking runs non stop. What I read here are great marriages. Truly inspirational marriages like Robins. What does our culture say so often? All the failures and divorces. What comes out of that? Broken families and economic hardship. So, when a person like you express ones that worked and went the distance I feel both relief and hope. Thank You for being that and sharing your life.

The painful missing I know so well. That one has lessened and I credit this place and some good friends for just company as I crawled out of the pit. Not easy in the least. The deity stuff I just don't spend much time with. Not My DNA. The place I will eventually end up at and this is with both my mother and wife. I had the good fortune of two tremendous women in my life. Mostly I will think of their qualities and who I am today because of them. We have to end up in gratitude for the good fortune that our loved ones are. Hopefully, make their qualities our own.

If you chose to express the qualities you most loved. I would be most interested in what you have to say. Those are the good that humanity can be. So often we see the poor ones. The place you are in I know. I have all the empathy possible for that place. I just support you in that process.

I wish you well.

Paul M.

AML · May 29, 2020

RLC said: ↑

I think we’re all stronger then we give ourselves credit for. You’re in terrible pain right now, and yes it lasts a while but slowly, parts of your old self start peeking out. Look at me, it’s been 18 months, I almost passed out when the doctor told me they couldn’t save Ron. My daughter screamed, it was just the 2 of us at the hospital. She screamed and couldn’t stop, I went silent and felt dizzy and felt myself falling, the doctor grabbed me. But, I’m still here today, I never I thought I could live on without Ron. I miss Ron every day, I talk to him and use knowledge I’ve learned from him. It’s too early for you to feel what I’m feeling, but although he’s not physically here. He is. He’s guiding me, eventually you’ll feel that. Yes, I cry often, I’m crying now actually. Because as I write this I’m realizing just how much Ron is helping me, from the wonderful life we lived and he’s apart of me.
It’s ok to be angry at God, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m angry at God, I even get angry when I see happy couples walking hand in hand. How dare they? It’s just emotions coming out. We used to talk how we’d grow old together and hold hands forever.
I’ve gone down the road of, poor me. Now there’s no enjoying retirement, no traveling that we saved up for. My life sucks! Then I think, no, poor Ron, his life was cut short, he didn’t get to live his dreams that we saved for. I’m here, suffering and been through a lot of pain. But I’m here to continue on as best I can. I never thought I was strong enough to live a day let alone 18 months. It takes time. And we never forget that wonderful part of us that’s missing.
I had a terrible day yesterday, not sure what I was thinking but I went through cards Ron has given me. Huge mistake. Then someone messaged my daughter asking if her Dad was still doing upholstery. It was from a family acquaintance that didn’t know Ron passed. That made us both sick to our stomachs. But last night, I felt Ron with me, holding me and rubbing my back. Was it real, was it a dream. It going with real because it comforts me.
Live one moment at a time, go ahead and feel angry, scream, whatever, do what your emotions tell you. And definitely keep posting, and reading. It’s so helpful.
❤️ Robin
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Thank you so much Robin, it does help as I feel like I'm going crazy most of the time. I did finally reach a grief counselor willing to do phone appts. hoping that will provide me some sort of coping. Right now, I am in day by day, hour by hour mode and just trying to stay as busy as possible threw this emptiness and pain.

RLC · May 29, 2020

AML said: ↑

Thank you so much Robin, it does help as I feel like I'm going crazy most of the time. I did finally reach a grief counselor willing to do phone appts. hoping that will provide me some sort of coping. Right now, I am in day by day, hour by hour mode and just trying to stay as busy as possible threw this emptiness and pain.
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AML,
You’re not going crazy, you’re in pain and our bodies and minds don’t know how to react.
Hour by hour, moment by moment. That’s the best plan. Don’t expect too much of yourself, you’re not up to it. We seem to go into a shut down mode, the loneliness is overwhelming, everything being different. We’re vulnerable as we mourn our loved ones, it’s takes next to nothing to lose it.
But being on this site means you’re not alone and we all understand your pain. We know how bad it hurts.
Hope your counselor helps you, and we’re all here for you.
Just take baby steps.
❤️Robin

It only worse

paul tinker Well-Known Member

AML Member

RLC Well-Known Member