It goes in threes

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by RacMag, Nov 23, 2018.

  1. RacMag

    RacMag New Member

    2 years ago my 91 year old grandpa died from complications from pneumonia. Last year my Mom died from Leukemia. Last month my grandma died at the age of 92. She simply stopped eating after decline post spinal injury from a fall, and had hospice come to her apartment for her last week of life. I was my grandparents main caregiver with the exception of 5 months in a nursing home for Grandpa. Here’s the thing, my husband gets that I’m grieving my grandma, he’s grieving his own as well. He doesn’t understand that I’m 40something, and have no one close to me from earlier generations left. I know we all get here eventually, I just didn’t expect to feel so alone, so soon. I feel like I’m grieving all of them, and it’s so overwhelming. Side note - Dad died when I was 17... suicide. I can’t call my mom to say hi or Grandma to check on her. I have all the “keep” belongings from Grandma in my garage, and know I need to get rid of more, but can’t really bare to go through all the stuff. I don’t even know what else to say... my mother in law seems to think it her job to step up to fill the role of my mom, but I can assure you that is NOT what I need. My husband points out that I still have him and my kids, and I do, but they can’t replace this big missing piece I have right now. That’s all, folks.. wishing this was a bit more uplifting for you all, but that’s just not where I am.
     
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your various losses. It is not, and never will be, the same. Hopefully though, we can adapt and focus on those who are still here and depend on us - while keeping the memories of our lost loved ones alive.
     
  3. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Active Member

    Try and remember the best qualities of those that are gone. Adopt those and carry on with others. Your husband will not 'get it'becuase, sorry, he is a man.
    Not that men can't be emotional, but he wants to be the most important person in your life and really can't fathom your sadness, after all, they were old. He wants to fill up your emptyness. Maybe you need to do some volunteer work with seniors. Like Meals on Wheels, or adopting a grandma in a nursing home. My husband was in a facility for 4 years and I go back and visit once a month. The staff are all my friends and elderly residents welcome a friendly smile and some small talk. Trust me,some of them had ZERO visitors and I was there every day for 4 years. I adopted so many of them, I got a group greeting when I arrived each day. That is one of the rerasons I continue to go there. . It feeds my soul even though I never thougth I would everwant to step foot in there again. Blessing and Peace
     
  4. Lisa7

    Lisa7 New Member

    I know how you feel. It is very hard emotionally. I am struggling with my mom’s passing as well. It hurts and the pain is real. Some of my friends don’t understand this. This community is helpful. I pray you may find peace and comfort.