*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

It gets worse as time passess...

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by affy, Sep 10, 2020.

Tags:
  1. Txanne

    Txanne Member

    Dearest Chris, that is so precious, it speaks for itself.
    I love you too, Chris. We are truly interacting with each other as God planned. Not one supreme human over the others. But sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings openly with each other without fear of reprisal.
     
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Anne, I am so thankful to have you for an understanding friend.
     
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    It occurred to me that maybe we should continue to communicate on either your posting page or mine, since this is Tom's page. What do you think?
     
  4. Txanne

    Txanne Member

    Either way is fine with me
     
  5. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Fine either way with me too. Just continue as is, if you want.
    I appreciate you.
     
  6. Txanne

    Txanne Member

    So I've been out of touch while spending 9 days in the hospital. I mentioned a fleeting thought of taking inventory to know I have on hand enough medication to escape in case I can no longer tolerate life. My therapist called 911. I did not take any pills to actually try to die. I did however chug alcohol without measuring how much, not to try to die, but to sedate myself knowing I would be taken to a non smoking hospital which is a stressful thought to me. I drank more than I thought and told EMS I was willing to go to the hospital before I suddenly became unresponsive. I was intubated and flown by helicopter to the hospital. I did not intend for that to happen. I was in for 9 days. They pretended I got better but I'm actually not.
     
  7. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    You have been missed. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tremendous struggle. We want to somehow escape this unbearable pain, but we are not given that choice. We are forced to go on and let God give us the strength to continue until we begin to heal from this terrible tragedy. I contemplated suicide myself, but finally realized that people would realize it was not accidental. I just kept telling God that even though His word says he will never give us more than we can bear, that He must have been wrong. I have always believed that God's word is true and had told my mother that as she suffered through a divorce, but when I experienced the overwhelming pain of the loss of our child, I did not believe I could make it another day with the unbearable pain. However, I was wrong and God was right. Even though it seemed completely impossible, I made it through another day, then week, then year. I just kept holding onto the belief that only God could help me-and He did. This is a slow painful walk that we must go through to get to a place of peace and acceptance. Don't give up. God loves you and is there for you if you ask Him. You can make it and I want you to make it. May God bless and strengthen you. I love you and care about you.
    Chris
     
  8. Scharmed32

    Scharmed32 Member

    Hi Tom, I just found this site a few days ago. I lost my only child to suicide in January of this year, I also feel like I’m getting worse. I don’t know some days I’m ok, I think and other days I cry for hours. Is that how it is for you?
     
  9. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Hello friend, I am so sorry to hear of your devastating loss. We lost our 28 year old son in December 2000. I just wanted to encourage you to hang in there. It takes awhile just for our heart to be able to accept the fact that our dearly beloved child is gone from this world. Many things can trigger your roller coaster of feelings. Sometimes we know what it is that causes the onslaught, but sometime we don't. One year I had difficulty with the 4th of July. I remember wondering what in the world about this holiday could be triggering my grief. Then I remembered that on one 4th of July our son was missing. We went looking everywhere for him that day and so there memories were giving me difficulty even when I didn't know it. Our hearts are full of memories of our child and sometime our brains don't even realize why. I know sometimes I would feel so sick and then I would realize I wasn't sick but it was the grief that was causing this feeling of sickness. It helped me if I could know why I was feeling so terrible. I love you. May God give you the strength to get through this.
     
  10. Ranger07

    Ranger07 New Member

     
  11. Ranger07

    Ranger07 New Member

    Hi Tom, so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear Dad mate. My name is Paul and I lost my beautiful wife about 4 months ago. I'm very heartbroken and like you, I'm still having 2 or 3 bad days per week. What I'm really trying to come to terms with is the lonliness as I've had my little soulmate around me for 25years. I live in Australia!!
     
  12. affy

    affy New Member

    Hi All,

    Apologies as I have not been on this thread for some time. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses and personal struggles yet I'm happy to see others connecting here and offering each other advice, etc.

    As an update on my end, it'll be 2 years my father's gone in April. I've come to understand that my father's internal struggles were far stronger than I had ever imagined. It does not make my own personal pain feel any lighter, but it does give me some sort of insight into his mind - something I've been trying to figure out since he died. I still think about him most days, but it does not affect my day to day as severely anymore.

    My youngest brother had passed in an accidental overdose last year. This had sent me over the edge again and almost hospitalized. I truly wanted to commit suicide and decided to get specialized help. For all of you out there who feel that suicide is the only option, it is not! I struggled with the idea of ending my life but how could I do something like that after experiencing that pain first hand. Phycologists and psychiatrists can definitely be of help when you find the right ones for you. Even if that isn't something you're interested in, there are plenty of resources online (just like this) where you can express yourself and your emotions; which I believe is what we all truly need - someone to confide in and understand our pain so that we too can try to understand our own pain.

    Also, I have read several books over the past 6 months and two of which I would recommend to everyone on this thread. I would recommend reading them in that order but that is just my suggestion. The first, "Resilience," is written by a former Navy Seal to his fellow Navy Seal who's life was falling apart after returning to civilian life. The insights in this book can truly change your mindset and try to think about life differently. The second is a more practical book, with very short chapters covering all topics that could create roadblocks in someone's life and how to try to overcome them.
    1. "Resilience" by Eric Greitens
    2. "Get out of your own way" by Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg

    I hope that we can all find our inner peace and make something good from our lives in the memory of those we have loved and lost. This is a marathon, not a sprint - it will take time and consistency.

    Tom
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  13. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

     
  14. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your post. I ordered Resilience. God bless