I am surviving, existing, but far from living my life. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to. My son was a smart strong beautiful soul who would help anyone, He was also very good at faking it. And he did such a good job, I didn’t see it coming. He had struggled with depression and anxiety for years, but finally seemed to be doing better. Or so he liked us to believe. I’d left our home town to go look after my dying father 7 hours away. I was there 8.5 months. I thought he was going ok. He’d FaceTime us with his kids, visit when he could.. he wanted us to not worry, because of the man he was... I was with my Father the morning my son died. He had a court case in the morning, and hadn’t showed. His lawyer called me. So I spent the next 1/2 hr trying to call, fb message, text.. and finally I asked his 20 year old brother to go look for him. My last text to him was I love you. I don’t know if he saw it. When my youngest son arrived there was a note on the shed door. Do not enter call 911. He opened it to see his brother sitting there. I won’t give details, but it’s something my youngest will never get over.. I was on the phone trying to reach my kids when my dying father knocked on my door. I opened it and he said oh baby, Brandon is dead, he killed himself. We screamed and cried and prayed the emts could bring him back... they couldn’t.