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Is loving worth it?

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Aude, Apr 30, 2019.

  1. Aude

    Aude Member

    It’s almost 2 months since my Mom and best friend died. I suppose, by most measures, I’m doing well enough trying to carve out some kind of new reality. But, frankly, it still feels like my heart has been yanked from my chest. I focus on silly, stupid things at work. These things pass the time well enough, but after that comes loneliness beyond loneliness. Even when I go out or socialize with others I feel alone. It’s occurred to me several times- why bother trying to form loving and meaningful relationships when what you get at the end is this horrible, black hole of grief? Why would anyone ask for this again? What’s the point of loving when it puts you here?
     
  2. riverinohio

    riverinohio Well-Known Member

    I feel so blessed to have had the relationship I did with my loved one that passed. It hurts like hell but I don't have any regrets. We loved each other unconditionally and that is such a gift and blessing. Grief is the price we pay and believe me if we didn't have that relationship we would be experiencing guilt and regret. Pain is a part of living unfortunately. I am sorry for your loss.
     
    Rose 23 likes this.
  3. ReneeLight

    ReneeLight Active Member

    Riverinohio is right. Grief is the price we pay for loving someone with all our heart. Can you imagine never having that close bond with your mom? Would you change it if you could and not have her as your best friend? Try to imagine all the good times and memories of her as much as you can. It is hard at first. I lost my husband of 35 years 14 months ago. He was my best friend also. At first I felt like you and questioned if love is worth the pain. I couldn’t think of any memories and I put everything of his in boxes thinking it would help the pain. It didn’t. So I began taking out his things, reading old cards, looking at pictures. It was hard at first but I slowly began to find joy in the memories or laugh a little at the cute, silly things he wrote in those cards. I wouldn’t give up that love if I could go back, even knowing the horrible pain I feel still. I often write letters to my husband or talk aloud to him and imagine his responses. I am very sorry for your loss but I hope in time you will realize the love is worth the grief.
     
    Rose 23 and riverinohio like this.