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Introduction and new to all of it

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by Kiwitwist, Jun 17, 2021.

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  1. Kiwitwist

    Kiwitwist New Member

    Hi there, I'm 25 and I've been experiencing very bad anxiety due to my mother having a long term illness. I've seen my mom going through this for most of my life, about I'd say ~14 years now. I've been in therapy talking through my feelings about it but have only recently realized that my anxiety has been related to my mother's illness. I've been starting to realize I actually don't know how to cope with grief and loss which is making it difficult for me to see my mom become more and more ill as the years go on. My mom recently went to the hospital for an intestinal blockage and needed surgery but they were hoping not to do surgery because she's a high risk patient. She ended up having the surgery and she's doing better now but boy did I have a mental breakdown that day. My therapist said it in a sad but true way, "it's like you're greiving her before your lose her." My mom often goes to the hospital and since she's high risk my family and I never know if this time will be the time.

    I get sad all the time because I missed out and am missing out on things I could be doing with my mom. I see my friends doing stuff with their moms that I could never with my mom. It's get my quite depressed thinking about it to be honest. I do worry that by the time I do decide to start a family my mom won't be there to share the experience with me.

    Sorry if it doesn't make too much sense but I guess I'm hoping for some advice or some direction to be pointed in to help cope with this situation. Thank you!