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I'm still numb

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by jerzygirl, Jan 26, 2021.

  1. jerzygirl

    jerzygirl New Member

    My fiance of 5 years recently passed. He became sick at Thanksgiving and was gone by the first week of January.
    I feel lost. I met him online - I lived in Virginia, he was in Minnesota. We hit it off and he became my best friend. We traveled across the country to see each other - I eventually moved to MN, but couldn't find a job and missed my family too much. I came back to VA, and he then moved here to be with me.

    He had his problems (don't we all?). He was an alcoholic - but he kept trying to overcome it to be with me. I told him I could not be with someone who drinks. He had many issues from childhood and very low self-esteem. The final blow for him was when he lost his job as an IT specialist. He was 58 and felt his ability to find another good job was gone. He started drinking again - heavily. I had him move out with the hope that might wake him up - it didn't He once told me he thought that he wasn't going to live to see 40 He almost had a death-wish.
    He ended up drinking himself to death - I had him hospitalized but it was too late. He died of acute liver failure and cirrhosis.

    I miss him so much - I am angry with him, long for him, feel like it is partly my fault - an entire range of emotions. I had to close out all his accounts, clean out his apartment, pack up his belongings, and plan the cremation. He is here with me in spirit.
    I miss him
  2. Josh's Mom

    Josh's Mom New Member

    Virtual hug to you!! April 4, 2015 I lost my oldest son (28 yrs old) to acute narcotic intoxication. Wish I could say it gets better, but it hasn't! I still blame myself!