I'm not sure...

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by StuckInGrief, Jun 18, 2020.

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  1. StuckInGrief

    StuckInGrief New Member

    Hello, everyone.

    I've been stuck in grief for years...and years...and more recently I finally gathered up the courage to join a support group. Though I must say...after the first session I felt like it wasn't helpful nor was it something I was expecting (what was I expecting?!) at all. Immediately after the meet I looked for another group...is that normal?

    Also at 1:10 A.M., I Google searched and found this site. Though I don't know what I was looking for. For answers? For connections with others who may feel what I'm feeling? I don't know. Not I'm not even sure why I'm writing all this. Maybe grief is taking me on some kind of auto-pilot, I don't know. I'll say "I don't know" a lot...I'm not sure if anyone else does that. Grief just make my mind blank, just..."I don't know."

    I lost so many people close and dear to me I'm just...numb. And this many years later, it still hurts and it's still numb and I still cry ugly tears. I still ask why. I still get angry. It just still fucking hurts...

    It still fucking hurts.

    Grief is like an elephant, it never forgets. It will trample everything in its path, too.

    It still hurts. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
     
  2. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Dear StuckInGrief
    So sorry for your losses. Grief can take a relatively short section of time or much longer. I hear your anger that you have to feel so bad for so long! Especially when you probably expected that it would pass and you would feel better again. And yes I think, when we are in the worst of it, we have all said "I don't know" a lot. Our world has been shattered and it takes time to reorientate and start to know what is next.

    This site is good...you can read lots of other peoples stories and find support. I too tried a support group and found it wasn't for me but many do find it very very helpful. We are all unique in our grief journey. Individual counselling can be very good if you are not a group person. But that again depends on a lot...access, money, compatibility. Do you have family or friends that you can reach out to?

    Take care of your self...sleep, eat, get outside. Find activities you can be busy with. Take care. Come back often.
     
    cg123 likes this.
  3. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain. I, too, have lost many people in my life - the most recent was my sister who was my best friend. She was the last of my immediate family... Grief is "like an elephant, it never forgets". I still have bad days when my heart is so heavy with grief and loneliness that it feels like it will burst but I do have days when I feel stronger and able to deal with things better. I try to think of all the good times I shared with the people I have lost and it does bring a smile (and a tear) to my face. It helps to keep busy with activities that you enjoy (for me .. it is sewing) and speak with other people - even a simple hello - although during these difficult times it is hard to do that. I make sure to go outside for some fresh air even if it is only for a few minutes. Being alone makes it worse. I pray that you find some peace and sending you a big hug.
     
  4. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I am 3 mos into this as I lost my husband, mom and a very loved boxer dog within 2 1/2 mos of each other. Then the covid outbreak. So our healing is even more difficult because the outbreak has ripped the "normal" that we would try to return to out of our hands. Everything is either in a fog to me or the I don't know either phase. I hope it's a phase but definitely agree with you on all you said. I am just a robot going through the motions and doing what I have to do to get back home to the 4 fur babies I have that keep me going. They are all that I have. No kids/siblings/family....Please feel free to talk any time.
     
    cg123 likes this.