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My ex husband killed himself 8 days ago. I keep finding notes and letters everywhere. After we separated we became the best of friends again. It turned out that I was his only friend. He was depressed because he was laid off from work and could not find a new job. Mostly that was due to his former boss thinking it was funny to break a man and blackball him. She told Vendors if they hired him, they would no longer get work awarded. My ex sent a long email of accusations to his company before he took his life. The bullies are currently being investigated. Every note to me says for me not to grieve. For me not to feel guilty. But how can I not feel guilty? I knew how depressed he was. I got him into therapy. Is there anyone here in this forum that has experienced a loss from suicide?

 

Hi Willow, I am a survivor of suicide. I lost my dad about about six years ago. While we may be at very different points in our grief- I am sure that we still share many similar battle scars. If you are still there....I would happy to talk.

 

Willow, I'm sorry for your loss, clearly your presence in his life meant a lot, even though our situations are different the very recent losses are similar, it's all so new. I just came here today, you have people who can support you here just by telling your story. I'm glad you are here.

 

We recently lost our son to suicide. He was in a bad marriage that probably should have ended several years ago. I tried to stay out of all that went on, and now I'll never get to tell him how much I loved him and that I was on his side through all the craziness that went on. I feel so guilty that I didn't reach out to him.

 

My best friend that I met when I was 5 years old, over dosed Sept. 10Th, 2 years ago. Having known her for over 40 years. Her death aniversary is right around the corner. I don't discuss it because people often want details about the death. I don't want to share how, when, where etc. Instead of saying I'm sorry for your loss they just ask question after question. I've communicated I don't want to discuss the details and they continue to ask questions as if they are trying to figure out what happened to tell me what they conclude. I had a relative refer to my friend as the one that dropped dead, because I started telling people she died in her sleep as a way of respecting my friend's privacy and not turning her death into a story I didn't want to hear again from someone else. Anyways I hope everyone who is on their grief and loss journey finds some peace, understanding, and mostly empathy for the loss and feels support by others here if not by their friends and family.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. My best friend that I met when I was 5 years old, over dosed Sept. 10Th, 2 years ago. Having known her for over 40 years. Her death aniversary is right around the corner. I don't discuss it because people often want details about the death. I don't want to share how, when, where etc. Instead of saying I'm sorry for your loss they just ask question after question. I've communicated I don't want to discuss the details and they continue to ask questions as if they are trying to figure out what happened to tell me what they conclude. I had a relative refer to my friend as the one that dropped dead, because I started telling people she died in her sleep as a way of respecting my friend's privacy and not turning her death into a story I didn't want to hear again from someone else. Anyways I hope everyone who is on their grief and loss journey finds some peace, understanding, and mostly empathy for the loss and feels support by others here if not by their friends and family.

 

Willow I'm sorry. My cuz took her own life bc she felt unloved. My family was never there when ppl were down. She was the black sheep. I regret every day that I wish I could have done something. I didn't know. I was a senior n high school. Willow I'm not gonna say it gets better but later down the road you will understand that you tried. He was mentally in pain. Depression gets the best of us.

 

Willow, it sounds like he loved you and knew that you loved him. Why would he worry about you feeling guilty if he didn't know you loved him. Hold on to that knowledge. He knew he was loved. Sadly it wasn't enough. My son told us he knew he was loved but he still took his life. Sometimes the pain is just too much - despite being loved.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. (((Hugs))) Suicide has to be one of the hardest deaths to grieve, outside of murder. There is so much that goes along with the loss of a loved one due to suicide. The Whys? The Hows? The What ifs? It's emotionally draining. I too have lost loved ones to suicide. Most importantly, I lost the Love of my Life to suicide. Making things more complicated is that we hadn't seen each other in years. (Very long story.) But when he passed away I was actually trying to get in contact him to check in with him & see how he was. It's been 8yrs since I found out about his death & to this day I cry everyday. I wish you well & if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

 

Willow, there are no words that even begin to tell someone about the pain of losing your husband, especially through suicide. My husband of 20 years committed suicide 1 month ago. It's true that you ask yourself all the questions, i.e. why, what if, could I have done something different, and so on. My husband was in a lot of pain from previous surgeries, and surgery he needed but never got to explore that opportunity. We had just gotten a referral to a doctor that does minimally invasive surgery and were being more positive about our situations. We both were suffering from depression and really didn't know how to help each other. We had just had the conversation that we would make more of an effort to try and get back to where we use to be. I can't understand why he did it when he did. When things were finally turning around for us and we had hope again. He was my best friend, my hero, my whole life. I took care of him when I had a broken leg, a broken hip and was in a wheelchair and still got up every morning to make his breakfast and lunch. Now I have no one to take care of. I am here by myself. The nights are the worse. For me screaming and letting it all out helps. Hope this helped. This site has helped me!

 

I lost my husband two months ago to suicide, my heart is with you Willow, I have no words to describe how I am feeling, it just hurts too much.