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I welcome the night ...

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by DDHunter, Jan 8, 2019.

  1. DDHunter

    DDHunter Member

    I welcome the night. The daylight is just too bright. The darkness covers me and holds me close like a blanket. I can't wait for the days to be over and feel the comfort of sunset, knowing that I can soon slip into slumber and no longer feel the pain. It's been 19 months since I lost my husband, my best friend, my soulmate, my biggest fan of 39 years. Life will never be the same. It will just be different. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that in time, I will welcome the sunrise.

    Any one else feel this way?
     
    twyla and LindaH like this.
  2. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how you feel.
    Its been two years, eight months and eighteen days since I lost the love of my life.
    We had been married for fifty two years when he died suddenly.
    I was seventeen when we married.

    I try to stay positive and keep busy.
    Things will never be the same for me since I lost my missing piece.
     
  3. DDHunter

    DDHunter Member

    I totally understand. My analogy of my love's passing is that you have put together an incredibly beautiful puzzle that represents your life together with your spouse. Then suddenly the puzzle falls apart and a new puzzle to be put together is now in its place. It is this puzzle that will be the rest of your life and you will never find the missing piece to that first puzzle.

    So sorry for your loss. But I have to tell you that communicating with others has really made me feel better and that I am not alone. So happy I found this website. Best wishes on your path to hope and joy.
     
  4. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
    I like your analogy.

    I have found this website very helpful .

    Another thing I do is keep a journal. Started it a few months after he passed away.
    I realize this is not for everyone but it helps me.
    When I go back and read my early post it scares me what a dark place I was in. Then I realize how far I have come.


    Some of my entry's are angry at him for leaving the way he did. Others I write about something fun we did together.


    I find this a safe way to vent what I am thinking.
     
  5. DDHunter

    DDHunter Member

    I love to write and have kept journals for over 40 years. I even have a blog where I write about the good, the bad and the amazing: deedeehunter.com
     
    LindaH likes this.
  6. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    I actually feel the reverse. I am busy during the day and have other things to occupy my thoughts. At night, in the silence, is when all the thoughts and pain return.
     
    LindaH likes this.
  7. DDHunter

    DDHunter Member

    Sciguy, I was like that for quite some time but the holidays through me into such a depression that I just wanted to be asleep. I am slowly coming out of the holiday sadness and my ultimate goal is to enjoy both days and nights. Alive and well every 24 hours of every day. I do love January because it holds so much promise for another year of my journey.
     
    LindaH likes this.
  8. Delphi

    Delphi New Member

     
  9. Delphi

    Delphi New Member

    I feel exactly the same. Lost my husband of 38 years almost 9 months ago. It was very sudden, he collapsed while getting ready for bed
    I feel like staying in bed in morning and I look forward to the darkness. I think I’m just happy to make it through the day and can soon just go to sleep. Still trying to find my place in this new life
     
  10. DDHunter

    DDHunter Member

    I am still struggling even after 21 months. Yesterday I worked a half day in the morning. It was a beautiful day and I had the whole afternoon free. I was so sad, going home to the empty house we had built. How will I occupy my time until darkness comes?. I managed to do a few productive things but my heart was not into it. I made myself wait until 7 to go to bed. It was still light outside but I just couldn't take it anymore and dove under the covers into dark oblivion. I still don't know how to get through the perfectly beautiful days. Correction, I DO know how in my brain but my body won't comply. Grief sucks big time.
     
  11. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    5x10
     
  12. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Hello Sciguy,
    I know what you mean, when a fine lady friend passed away after 6 yrs of a wonderfull relationship, I took it very hard. At first I only got up to take out Rosie's dog. Well by night time I was so antsy from being in all day so I'd get on my old 91 Harley Sporty 1200 and ride, during the day. I split my riding so I'd be home a few hours and play with Rosies Pug Bandit.
    He did nothing wrong to be left
    alone and he was as sad as I was.
    Rosie loved her Pug and he loved her and he loved me but it was plain to see he was hurting very
    much as well.

    Night time was a very sad time and I cry as I write this as it brings
    back some real memories. I am frankly glad I never kept guns in
    the house and I'd like to think I
    would have the smarts to get rid of
    it if I had one. Night is dark but my nights were flat out black.