I want to grieve without judgment from others

The relationship I had with my loved one was very special. I don't even know how to define it. I can't think of anyone that would be in my particular situation and I feel so terribly alone. I just know that my friend is gone. I know some people would not consider him a friend. But he was, if they only knew the history we had. If they knew who I was, and they knew who he was, they would understand. But there is nobody else that knows who I am. He was the only one. I have lost the only person I have ever truly loved. He was the type of person that was either all in, or all out when it came to love. I gladly would have died for him if it would have saved his life.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose your love when they are the one who knew and understood you better than anyone else. I understand the feeling of being completely alone and almost directionless. You know your relationship best, and only you truly know the value of that relationship in your life. No one looking in from outside truly knows what you meant to each other and shares the memories and their meaning. This grief journey is a tough one. God bless you, I will say a prayer for your peace.

 

Thank you so much for your response. I do believe what you said here has been more comforting than anything else I have come across. Yes, I have said that myself. I believe that no one else can understand completely the relationship between two people. We can share stories, and maybe learn from those stories, but what is between the two people is between them alone, and maybe it is supposed to be that way. Every person is unique, so every connection is unique. Thank you again for your response and prayer. I appreciate it very much.

 

I understand what it is to lose a loved one. The person I loved passed away on January 1st and as difficult as 2020 was, 2021 has been harder. I myself had a very special but complicated relationship with my loved one. I keep hearing that time will help and I hope so because right now the struggle is so hard. I hear that talking about the loss will help and I hope so but I don't have anyone that I really can talk to. My friends didn't know about our relationship and he very few friends at the end of his life. And none of them knew or loved him like I did. I miss him every day. After 3 weeks it still is a struggle, but I have my good days and bad days. I don't know it you would ever want to connect to talk or if this is how this works.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. Your grief is very new and there will be some days that you feel like it's one minute at a time. It sounds like the two of you meant so much to each other, complicated or not. All loving relationships have their complexities. I lost my husband, the love of my life, in July, unexpectedly at age 59. I look at his picture some days and it is hard for me to believe he is gone from my earth life, even though I have not talked to him or seen him for months. We never went a day without talking, and rarely were away from each other. Time passes, and you will process your grief, but life will never be the same. It does help to talk with others that understand and accept what you are going through without judgement. You will find that on this website. I would encourage you to keep posting, especially if there are not very many people who knew the two of you and your relationship. It's important to talk about your loss and process your feelings of sadness and loss. I will include you in my prayers.

 

Thank you very much for your message. I really appreciate hearing that it is important to talk about and have the understanding of what I am going through without being judged.

 

I'm sorry for your losses and thank you for sharing. I understand wanting to grieve without judgment as well after recently losing the love of my life. We were in a complicated place in our relationship, but still cared for each other. I haven't felt I could talk about how sad I am with even those closest to me because they were not all that supportive when I wanted to continue our relationship after learning of his illness, or were not aware of our relationship. I'm still processing all that has happened and hoping to connect with others who may be dealing with complicated grieving situations. For what it's worth, I just watched the self-study video and read the articles on complicated grief on this site and I found them and the written self-reflection exercises helpful.