I talk to my sweetheart -He died 09/23

saw the picture of the blackhole eating a star the other day on the tv. In ways that is how I get to feeling. However that black hole is not going to get me.
My mom died a year ago, but it is just not the same emptiness I get from the loss of my sweetheart. My sweetheart had fallen and broken his back. He had complications and in the end the rehab would not give him food or water. It was a horrible death. At least his last few days were with hospice. I miss him so much but he is in a better place.
He was cremated so I got the urn this last week and have a special place for him. I have a fibreoptic angel which changes lights and colors. I had bought him a small stuffed animal when he had his first surgery in May. He tucked it under his chin. He had it until the end and it sits there now by the urn. He had named the animal with my name. Even his last hours he moved his one hand looking for the animal to be there. I had a picture frame with his pic and his granddaughter wrote a poem. ( I have sent these to the kids and grandkids.) Only the granddaughter that wrote the poem knows about it.) I also have the pic for me sitting by the urn.
Yes I talk to him everytime I go by and tell him I love him.
We did not have a service. His kids and grandkids will get together this weekend. They will get their pic frames by then. I live 5 hours away and due to medical condition ( 2 back surgeries) I can't go. I told them to just tell their stories on him. Share their favorite times.
When I do something special for his family or give them something of his, it makes me feel like I am spreading his love on. His great granddaughter asked for one of his Alabama hats. I also gave her is coat I had embroidered. It brought tears to my eyes when her mom said she was sleeping with the coat. I didn't know it would mean that much to her.
I guess I will stop before this becomes a book. I don't really know how this site works, but putting the words down does seem to help. Sometimes at 4 am I send an email to my best friend---just to let the grief flow.

 

I think putting the words down on paper or screen seem to help, but don't know On our anniversary last month I actually wrote him a letter. Of course I could not mail it, but I felt like I was able to talk to him. I miss him so very very much.