I still loved him.

Discussion in 'Loss of Loved One to Violence/Murder' started by Smokeybear, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. Smokeybear

    Smokeybear New Member

    On February 23rd, 2019, my sweet, loving ex-boyfriend was sadly murdered by his best friend whom we actually spent a lot of time with in our relationship. He ended up dating his best friends ex girlfriend, and his new girlfriend drove him to fight his best friend. Instead of fighting, the friend stabbed him and killed him. I wasn’t there, but I picture his death every damn day. We weren’t together, but I lost what I thought was my soulmate. I thought we’d drift back together. I was hoping we’d have the happily ever after we had always talked about with the big family . I feel for his parents but fear they hate me for how the relationship ended. I want to go see them and be there, but am a complete mess myself. Will his mom even want to see me? Do I even have the right to be as upset as I am? How do I move forward. How do I continue to live? How do I move past the anger? How do I forgive this person for such a monstrous act?
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Smokeybear, I am so very sorry for your loss. The first and easiest question to answer is this....do you have the right to be as upset as you are? Absolutely.
    Loss comes in many forms, and you are grieving the loss of what could have been as much as you are grieving the loss of this man himself. Relationships are incredibly difficult and with a person's death comes the reality that we will never be able to make it what we wanted or to make it right. You have the right to grieve the pain that comes with those feelings.
    As for his family? Give them time. They're suffering too. It's hard to know how they feel and I'd guess, right now they're not even sure because they too are so lost in the deep sea of grief.
    As for the anger...give that some time too. Right now, it may be serving a purpose in your grief and so there's no point in trying to deny it if that's what you're naturally feeling. But just don't stay in the angry place for too too long. There comes a point where anger is no longer promoting our growth and that's when we need to learn to move past it. I have some articles I've written about anger and forgiveness and I'm including those both below. I hope they can be a help to you.
    Thank you for joining us and for sharing your story. We are here to help~
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/grief-roadblocks-let-go-tough-emotions/
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/the-role-of-forgiveness-as-a-tool-for-healing/