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I miss my mom

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by HolZin, Dec 31, 2020.

  1. HolZin

    HolZin New Member

    I lost my mom to cancer January 9th, 2020. I find it hard to put into words how I feel. Day to day or month to month it is different. I feel like a different person. Definitely like a puzzle with a permanent missing piece. Today I am exhausted. I took the day off of work because I cried tremendously last night. I spiraled out of control and wanted to break something (though I did not.) Thoroughly exhausted with life. Tired of my dysfunctional dwindling family, tired of my lazy son, tired of my father's cancer, tired of my job, tired of Covid, tired of this political chaos and wonder when it will get better. I do not want to harm myself. I just want some joy. Most days I am fine. Then it hits me with a wave. She and I had a saying that made us laugh and made it better "SNAP OUT OF IT!" Almost a year now and it is not any easier with her gone.
     
  2. SeaShell

    SeaShell Member

    Hi. I just wanted to say how sorry i am for the loss of your Mom. I lost mine 20 yrs ago and still have trouble believing she’s gone. I got on this site recently because my dad just passed away. I can relate to your fatigue of all this craziness in the world. But please know I care , people on this site care about you. And we can relate to your loss and emotions that go with it. Parents are special, and it sounds like you had a close bond with your Mom. Treasure your memories. I am sure she would be proud at how you are doing , even on the crappy days. You have her strength. Hugs to you
    Shelley
     
  3. blankostara

    blankostara New Member

    I lost my Mom Jan 9 2020, too. She had Lewy Bodies disease. I cared for her for 2 years as she became more and more debilitated and wasted away. Things are OK today, but every day's different. Honestly, I don't know what to do now. It all feels somewhat meaningless. I go through the motions, without really feeling anything.
    My remaining family is my sister. Not since the day we buried Mom next to Dad has she allowed conversation or shared grief. I have no kids or nieces and nephews. I have a great domestic partner who is supportive but doesn't really get it, never having lost anyone significant yet in life.
    In terms of thinking about the future, I am always asking, "Is that all there is?" I feel like I have a good amount of mid-life crisis mixed in with my grief.
    I wish I could stop missing Mom so much every day. My heart feels like it's breaking all over again several times a week
    Thanks for listening.
     
    Greg9072 and Linda63 like this.
  4. SeaShell

    SeaShell Member

    Hi,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I can relate a lot to your feelings and situation. Now both my parents are gone. I have a partner who is supportive as well . No kids either. So yes “is that all there is?” Has a familiar sound. Caring for your Mom for the 2 years must have been pretty tough on you, and I am sure your Mom was very thankful to have you there for her— as well as you being glad you could be there for your Mom. My mom died 20 yrs ago and I was there to help her as well. I felt so grateful that I could be available and help her. It was overwhelming and exhausting at times. I am not a religious person so I find no comfort in that. My Dad recently passed away . And I really miss him too. But at least some comfort in knowing he lived a long life. But it really is hard to wrap my head around that I won’t see them again. I don’t have advice for you. But do think sharing your thoughts helps. I work in health care part time and that gives me an opportunity to help other people which does make me feel like I have a purpose here. I feel like I have more compassion for others and can relate to their situation from what I have been thru. I also know my pets and love of nature helps me. But yes I am sad often. But then I am oh so thankful for the life my parents provided me. And thankful I was able to show them that and thank them. I think the pandemic makes it harder since we are more isolated. But honestly for me I don’t have a friend support system, just my boyfriend. And while I like my job of helping people. The sucky thing at my job is my coworkers are a younger crowd and very self important. So not any support or understanding at work. Anyway..thank you for reaching out to me. Just know that a lot of people on this site care about what you are going thru. I hope my sharing helps. I am happy to keep in touch.
    Shelley
     
  5. blankostara

    blankostara New Member

    Thanks Shelley for responding to my post. It surely helps to know that my experiences are not unusual. I lost my Dad 21 yrs ago, so similar to when you lost your Mom. My beloved Aunt passed 2 months before Mom. I think the fact that they are all gone now has been the hardest part of all of this, honestly. So we go on, finding meaning and peace where we can in life I suppose.

    Thank you for responding to my post so kindly. Keeping in touch would be great.
    JoAnn
     
  6. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

    Sorry for the loss of your mom. I understand it's hard being without them. I lost my mom May 29, 2020. There are days my grief gets the best of me also. Eventually we do as you said "snap out of it" because we have to. You can make it. I care that you do. My heart is heavy today also. Sunday.
     
  7. OSL

    OSL Member

    "snap out of it" resonates extremely with me. My mother just passed away in Jan in a car accident. I can hear her yelling "Just get the **** over it!". It doesn't change the pain though. I'm sorry any of us are here. But know, we are here to listen anytime you need an ear.
     
  8. Flwrgrl

    Flwrgrl New Member

    GOOD MORNING ALL ,I to lost my mom just May 14,2020 ,I ALSO BROKE UP WITH MY BOPYFRIEND OF 9 YEARS THJE NOVEMBER BEFORE I LOST MY MOM SO I AM HAVING A VERY HARD TIME MOVING ON , I am now alone in my grief and my loss and i feel so lonely i lived with my mom for 15 years and for 13 of them she was for the most part healthy she found out about colon cancer about 6 months before she passed although she actually passed away from a brain injury after falling in the bathroom so i was not ready i thought we had at least a few more months before the cancer would take her was a very traumatic time and i still have the vision of finding her on the floor i thought she was dead then , i know its going to take time its just hard especially not being able to go anywhere because of covid the house gets so quiet and of course dating is out of the question so i just talk to myself a lot and her ashes and her spirit of course , ,thank you for listening ,
     
    nowords likes this.
  9. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

    Such a sad story. I hav empathy for your situation bcz of the loss of my dear mom. At least I do have a loving husband and he helps me a lot. Try to just live and enjoy your life for yourself not for him. Don't be with anyone who doesn't want you. Your mom would want you to be happy. Encourage yourself. You can do it. I pray for your strength. Things will get better. Stay strong!
     
  10. blankostara

    blankostara New Member

    So today's the 1 yr anniversary of Mom's funeral. I am so far pushing through the grief, but I am just distracted, and distraught when I'm alone. My Sister never wants to talk about her, or our deceased Dad too. I feel like there's no place I really belong anymore, a homebase. It doesn't help that my parter and I have been in an insane housing market for 1.5 yrs and get outbid on houses regularly. Sigh. I know I should be grateful to be able to buy a house at all.
     
  11. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

    My condolences to you and I do understand about "pushing through" your grief. I'm doing the same. Its what we have to do. Consider the alternative. Our mothers would want us to show strength. So pick your head up. Write your feelings here whenever you are down. I understand and would be happy to communicate. Be encouraged!
     
  12. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Very sorry for all the pain of the losses you all are going through. It's rough, isn't it?