I lost the only person I ever fell in love with and understood me

A year and a half ago my partner lost her life in a car accident. Some young men stole a car, and while the police were in pursuit of them, they crashed with my partner at high speeds.

It's so hard being without her. She woke me up to who I really am authentically. I can't watch the shows we used to watch, or go to the places that we used to frequent together.

I don't know what to do. I just don't know. Everybody in my life would rather I put on a fake smile and act like everything's okay even if they aren't, then to show how truly sad I am still. They keep asking when I'm going to date or why don't I just move on and I don't have the answer to that I just know my heart isn't ready yet. And I miss her so much.

Lately my grief has been hitting me pretty hard and I just don't know how to move forward.

In my photo I'm the person with glasses.

 

Thank you for responding to my post. Today marks only 4 weeks of grief for me. I was so sad when I read your story. My deepest sympathy. You both have infectious smiles!
I feel so alone and put up a good front. I cry every day.
My hobbies keep my mind active, but now the holidays. UGH! We used to decorate like crazy. I just don't understand how people think you should move on. I think gay love is stronger than hetro love. My best to you

 

i hope you're still getting by. i understand how you feel...one of the shows me and my partner fell in love with last was the 90's Moomins cartoon cus it was so relaxing and nice but i can't get myself to play it anymore or finish the show without him. all the shows we watched just dredge up too much, it's been 5 months and i just only got myself to go to the nature park by myself for the first time that we ALWAYS went to especially when quarantine started. i really wish the people in your life would understand that it takes time for people to process their grief and that time isn't a set schedule and that's perfectly fine! it's very hard to deal with such horrific grief when the people around you don't respect your sorrow you cant be expected to just bounce back and be as functional as you were before! losing someone so intimately close just shatters a part of you and changes who you are forever and it takes a long time to accept and be okay with that! i hate it all the time when i remember how i feel i'll never have that feeling again like with my partner!

 

My name is chandler. Me and my partner were together for 15 years. But back in September, he was outed. The same night he blew his brains out. I died with him that night

 

I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers