I lost my boyfriend on November 6, 2020. It's almost been two weeks and last night was the first time since that i didn't have a panic attack or waking up gasping for air. Chris and I were really going through rough times. He was a severe alcoholic and i walked in on him with another woman in July coming back from helping my sister finding a new house. He 'quit' drinking for about 3 weeks or at least so i thought. He had a completely different life that i knew about. 2 days after his death, one of the women he was seeing sent me a message saying he seen her two weeks before and asking who i was! This is too much for me to take. I feel guilty for being more angry at him than I am feeling sad that he is gone. Is this normal?