I lost my mom 8/15/18. 5 days after her 54th birthday. She passed away from cancer. It was 6 months of constant pain for her. I know she is relieved of that pain now, but I miss her so much. I have a lot of guilt..I have the feeling that I should have saved her and I couldnt. On the 15th, I had been with her at Hospice for two days, she was already unresponsive, but still breathing. Her husband came to sit with her while I went to go see my daughter for a little bit, as I hadnt seen her since I had been with my mom for a couple of days. On my way home, my tire went flat, so I needed my boyfriend to drive me back to my mom, bc I had planned to stay the night with her again. I knew her husband was with her and so I spent some time with my daughter and then took a shower. I was only gone from my mom for two hours, and just as we were driving up to the Hospice, they called to tell me she had passed away. Had I gotten there 10 mins earlier, I would have been there before she took her last breath. I should have never left her and I hate myself so much for not being there when she went. I am not sure how to get over the guilt for this, and maybe I never will. I know I should go to grief counseling because I feel so lost without her, even though I am 29. I just feel that counseling wont work for me because it seems to me that nothing will make this better.
hi jessy1130. i lost my mom 2 months prior to you losing your mom. on june 3rd, 2018, she had a stroke deep in her brain and all we could do was watch helplessly as she slipped away from us. we kept her on machines in the msicu for around 10 days. we realized that she was not going to come back to us in any meaningful way and that it was time to take her home to pass on hospice. the dr’s believed that once off the ventilator, she would likely pass within a few hours at most. she stayed with us for 8 days. i was her hospice caregiver until her last breath. i still live with so much guilt. i’ve been told i should go to grief counseling, as well. but, i feel the same way you do about it—i don’t see how a counselor can help me cope with her loss and everything that i went through with being her end of life caregiver. you’re not alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I, like you, feel a degree of guilt. I ask myself if I could of done more to save her. I’m here if you’d like to communicate. Hugs.
jessy1130, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a big one, hurts so much. I also missed my mom's last breath. I stepped out for some acupuncture to take care of my muscles due to caregiving. I was gone less than an hour and my mom passed. I think there is trauma when caregiving for a parent that is sick and then passes away. The home hospice caregiver responsibility can be very emotional and cause anxiety and depression afterwords...I think this experience is a form of trauma which could be helped by a counselor. Counseling has helped me...when I can fit it into my schedule. I am glad you are reaching out on this platform. Hoping it helps and healing begins....it is an individual road each person takes and the process is different for everyone. Peace to you.
