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I lost my husband, mother and a beloved boxer w/in the last 2 mos...

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Liley773, May 17, 2020.

  1. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    The silence here is deafening. My husband, best friend, other 1/2 of our "team" left me 3/19/20. The last 4 years he battled an aortic valve replacement, afib, a stroke that occurred while he was getting a treatment to correct the afib, and finally liver cancer... Our 10th wedding anniversary was 4/16/20......I do not consider myself widowed. I hate that word. I'm still married to him and always will be. I was able to get him home on hospice where he passed away with me, my 94yo mom, his son, daughter and daughter in law. He was able to see his fur babies one last time. He got to pet them. One even got up on the bed with him as he was passing...

    My mother was 94 yrs old. I'm an only child. My dad passed in 2004. She lived with my husband and I for the last 4 yrs I believe. I found her in her bedroom a week and a 1/2 ago on May 8th. I am totally alone and was shocked as hell as she was ok the night before....

    Last Tues, May 12th, our beloved Maggie, our first boxer to own and she was white with a brown diamond shape on top of her head, passed away to be with my husband, my mom and her husband whom we bred her with, Max. He passed in 2017 from mast cell cancer. Maggie also had a mast cell tumor (inoperable) on her back. She put up a brave fight also because she had seen my husband pass and knew my mother did too. She wanted to be with me as long as she could.

    They all did really......

    Now, I hear nothing from anyone except 2 close friends I work with. But they live 25 miles away in another city. With this virus stuff what can you do? I've only been out of the house for rx pickup at the drive thru or curbside groceries as Walmart 6 times in 2 1/2 mos. I have to make a decision this week as to whether I go back to work and start getting a paycheck again or furlough out, go on unemployment and lose my all my insurances after 3 mos. I work in a medical clinic and would be checking in/out pts. They have already had 3 confirmed cases of employees but say all have recovered. I really don't want to go back to the front line. My last day worked was 3/13/20 right before this really broke out all over the country......

    I can't sleep well, I don't want to eat. I'm trembling alot. My nerves feel shot. And without being to go places very well with the virus, I am so unmotivated to do anything around the house or yard. I mean, what's the point right? I'm the only one to see it.

    I have found a counselor online to speak with about all of this but I don't have that video chat til Tuesday at 4pm. One of my work friends is bringing her husband out today and we'll social distance on the front deck.....Makes me nervous because he works for the same hospital group and I do and he picks up all the lab tests etc and delivers them to the hospital, so he's really on the front lines.

    I went on a chat group after my husband had his stroke and I found it helpful so I thought I'd try this.....

    I'm sorry that others of you have to be here too......
     
  2. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    So sorry for all your losses. Being so recent you should just do whatever it is that feels right to you. I had friends that told me too keep busy, others said to sit everything out. Depending on how I felt that's what I went with. We would have had our 30th this September. Like you my husband had a stroke while intuated because of pneumonia. No cancer but lung disease and afib issue which we put in an ICD. In short a lot of issues. You didn't mention any of the stroke deficits, if anything like me the process makes it feel as if you lost him twice.

    I went through the can't eat, sleep, etc., I'm at six months and it does get better. I wish I can tell you when, however this is going to be on your own timeline. I did speak to my doc and she gave me a script to help quiet my mind and get me to sleep. Once that started I was able to get my appetite back. As far as the yard, I felt the same. Although, I went ahead and planted in his honor. The garden was his thing. Our house didn't have much out front and he planted it all, he would say, (when I come home from work I want to see something nice.) You can plant in honor, but also plant for yourself, you deserve nice things in your life. Be kind to yourself, even in this time, a short walk will make you feel better.

    The work situation is tough, whatever is best while being able to keep your insurance, at least that's what I'd do. I'm glad to hear that you'll be able to video chat soon, there are some very nice people on here, do post and get things off your chest. We're here and have experienced much of the same stuff. Some days the emotions make you feel as if you're going crazy, you're not. I also don't like the word widow, and still feel married.
     
  3. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss also. Thank you for replying.

    Regarding the stroke deficits, he was left side impaired but we have a wonderful neurorestorative place close to our house that did wonders. He was driving again and able to go up and down the deck stairs without help. He started to develop balance problems. I got him off of some meds that caused that and weren't really working anyway but it got worse. It wasn't until we found out about the liver cancer that when the ammonia levels in your system go up, you have balance probs and also, to anyone that doesn't know you well, appear to be developing dementia, etc. The real eye opener on that was he couldn't remember the 4 digit code to get into his phone.

    I need to get the dme stuff out of here. Between the 2 of them there is alot of it and it bothers me. It's stacked in the tub in our bathroom, in our master closet and mom's closet. Just can't get myself to put it in the truck and leave the house for Good Will....I'm getting agoraphobia staying here. Also, I have a VERY hard time going into mom's room. I make myself everyday go do little things but it bothers me in there where I found her. I keep trying very hard not to think about it and her laying there.

    Do you know anything about survivors benefits with social security? I have that phone call at 2:45pm today and am anxious about that.....Ugh.

    This virus just compounded all of my ordeals even worse......
     
  4. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    My husband also had some left deficits, balance and got back into driving again. Limited driving though. His balance was getting better. He even bought a new bike to ride last fall. Never got to see it, he went into the hospital in November. Kept asking me to pick it up, I said, we'll get it but it's winter now. I ended up finally picking it up a few weeks ago, just couldn't bring myself to it.

    When my husband had his stroke it hit four parts of his brain, not only could he not remember his code, we had to review how to use it, the laptop and tell time. They weren't sure if he'd remember me, to me that was all that mattered. We got up to speed later.

    I've donated a little bit of clothing, no one is taking donations with the covid thing. I have a lot of stuff to get rid of, I start when I can get it accepted somewhere. If you have a hard time going into her room, just wait. Nothing has to be done, it can wait. I don't know anything about the SS survivor benefits, I'm a few years off from collecting that. I don't know what time zone your in, so perhaps this reply is getting to you late.
     
  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Liley,
    I am so very sorry, you’ve had so many losses in such a short amount of time. Any loss of a close one is devastating. You’ve lost your soul mate, and your Mom in less then two months. And Maggie then looses her battle. My heart breaks for you. That’s so much for one person to bare. I have a lack of words, for all you’re dealing with.
    I’m glad you found this site, I’m confident it will be helpful to you. I lost my husband suddenly from a massive heart attack, that took him from me in two hours. He didn’t have any signs previously, as far as we knew he was healthy. I didn’t find this site until 11 months after that horrible night. I was not doing well, and most the support I had was gone. I found that posting, reading and sharing stories here has been very helpful. It’s great you found a counselor you can speak with, hope it works out well for you.
    Having a difficult time sleeping and eating and the loneliness, the brain fog, are all things we all feel. Things become easier with time, but it is a slow long process. You’re going through multiple family losses on top of each other. And a loyal friend, Maggie. Don’t push yourself, only do things that can’t wait. One day at a time.
    I’m glad you have some friends offering you support, it’s so important, also as you’ve mentioned very hard during this pandemic to get the support you need of having actual visits. But a telephone call, FaceTime or using the internet is still helpful.
    I’ve lost my husband and that put me in a state of shock, that was 18 months ago. We were married 41 years and ran a business together, we were together 24/7. I’ve also lost both my parents, years ago. Each of those losses affected me terribly I know how each loss felt to me. But not two losses on top of each other. I can’t even imagine. Again, so sorry.
    Keep posting and reading. And take care of you.
    Hugs! Robin
     
  6. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't go through the stuff alone if you dont have to. See if his son will help you go through his stuff. There is no rush on when to go through anything. Pray for strength and you'll get through. I cant say when but you'll get through. I lost my fiancee and dad days apart so I feel that same emptiness. We have 2 small kids and were the only ones that did for them. People say they gone be there or call if you need me but it's not the same. I pray for strength and keep moving for my kids. There are some days I feel like I cant breathe but the Lord pulls me through. This is definitely no easy fix. I pray the counseling section helps. You can reach out to me anytime.
     
  7. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much. His family that is left is really done with me I believe. His son still has his mother and he and I weren't that close. He's a pretty much know it all....They said call if you need anything and when I really needed them with their dad, they were never there. I'm not so much worried about my husbands things. It's my moms room that bothers me. I can keep seeing her lying there if I let myself. I'm trying my hardest to block it out. I couldn't get her clothes to Salvation Army as she would have wanted bc of the virus. So I had to burn them in our big fire pit. I felt bad but had to "rip off the bandaid" at that time. I did get all of the dme stuff to goodwill yesterday. They just opened back up this week...Felt good to get that stuff out of here but there was a strange emptiness in the house.

    I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine with 2 little kids and this virus making it worse what it'd be like. I'm praying for you too. Yes the Lord is the way....on his timeline....please reach out to me anytime too ok?

    First counseling session was ok. I like her. She's given me things to read and fill out and send to her. It's all in practicing this stuff every day that I'm having trouble with. Can't concentrate...
     
  8. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry, you’ve had so many losses in such a short amount of time. Any loss of a close one is devastating. You’ve lost your soul mate, and your Mom in less then two months. And Maggie then looses her battle. My heart breaks for you. That’s so much for one person to bare. I have a lack of words, for all you’re dealing with.
    I’m glad you found this site, I’m confident it will be helpful to you. I lost my husband suddenly from a massive heart attack, that took him from me in two hours. He didn’t have any signs previously, as far as we knew he was healthy. I didn’t find this site until 11 months after that horrible night. I was not doing well, and most the support I had was gone. I found that posting, reading and sharing stories here has been very helpful. It’s great you found a counselor you can speak with, hope it works out well for you.
    Having a difficult time sleeping and eating and the loneliness, the brain fog, are all things we all feel. Things become easier with time, but it is a slow long process. You’re going through multiple family losses on top of each other. And a loyal friend, Maggie. Don’t push yourself, only do things that can’t wait. One day at a time.
    I’m glad you have some friends offering you support, it’s so important, also as you’ve mentioned very hard during this pandemic to get the support you need of having actual visits. But a telephone call, FaceTime or using the internet is still helpful.
    I’ve lost my husband and that put me in a state of shock, that was 18 months ago. We were married 41 years and ran a business together, we were together 24/7. I’ve also lost both my parents, years ago. Each of those losses affected me terribly I know how each loss felt to me. But not two losses on top of each other. I can’t even imagine. Again, so sorry.
    Keep posting and reading. And take care of you.
    Hugs! Robin[/QUOTE]
     
  9. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    Thank you RLC. Difficult time sleeping and eating and the loneliness, the brain fog, you nailed it on the head. I'm so sorry for your loss also. I'm in the shock phase with mom because I knew she was sleeping more and complained about moving slower but she was fine the night before.....I just wasn't ready even tho I was admitting deep down that she was probably getting closer.....her body wearing out at 94 1/2 yo. She lived a very long, productive, I think happy life. Alot of history that she saw.......and went through. I have the biggest problem going into her room or bathroom. Haven't cleaned the bathroom yet but have decluttered it. Her room is a slow process. I did have to burn her clothes in our large fire pit as no donation places were open or accepting. Goodwill took all the dme equipt I took there as they just opened yesterday. It bothered me that all that stuff for Jerry (my husband) and mom was all over in the house but when I got home I felt a weird emptiness.....

    I had my first 1/2 hr video chat session with a counselor today to help with the depression, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. Lots to try to get my mind to practice. I've self diagnosed myself with ADD and it's gotten so worse......My husband's mom always said "and this too shall pass"....I hope it does and the virus too because it's making trying to recover from all this even worse.....

    Thank you for your encouraging words and sympathy for my situation.....Nights are bad for me as it's getting dark.....

    Hugs to you.
    Kim (aka Liley773)
     
  10. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry if my replies are messed up. Having trouble trying to reply to each of your separately......
     
  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Kim, Thank you so much, it’s sad we both know how it feels to lose our life partner. And losing you Mom a month later, I can’t even imagine. And finding her, I totally understand your angst with her room I’ll admit, I had tears reading your post. I feel for you. You actually sound like you’re being strong and pushing through. I’m guessing that weird emptiness will pass and you’ll get back to being thankful you were able to donate those things to Goodwill. Each day we experience new feelings, what bothers us one day can be a non issue the next, strange how that happens. I can share that I went to Florida to visit my son, it was so good for me but coming back home to an empty so quiet house, I felt worse coming home then before I left.
    This pandemic is definitely an added stress making things so much worse.
    You mention you just didn’t feel ready, thing is we never feel ready. Forever isn’t long enough, for the people we love so much. I believe we will join our loved ones when it’s our time and that they watch over us in the mean time.
    Nights, yes I understand. Nights are difficult, going to bed alone. Like you mention just the darkness alone starts the lonely feelings. Just so you know, you’re not alone with these feelings.
    I’m glad your counselor gave you some things to try. God bless your mother in law with her positive spin.
    This takes time, but there will be better days ahead.
    Robin ❤️
     
  12. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your counseling section went well. You did good being able to get some stuff out the house. I cant bring g myself to go through neither of their stuff yet. I started with my fiancee's stuff but havnt done any more since then. I'll get to it eventually. Good luck with everything and hope counseling continues to go well
     
  13. 427RCode

    427RCode Member

    I just read your post I am new here, lost my husband a month ago to cancer after being diagnosed 28 days earlier, we were married 10 years, he was larger than life, our border terrier dog is very depressed, he’s 12.5, its just the two of us and 1/2 acre, 2 businesses to run, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but we have to put one foot in front of the other and move, I find once I start I cant stop, its like hoping the grief wont catch me, I send you love
     
  14. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member


    Thank you Robin. Ugh. Worst night of non-sleep. Tried some of the coping skills from the counselor. Didn't work. I sleep with one of our two boxers. He cuddles me so tightly. He was my husbands therapy dog as I call him. Cooper is a sweetie packed with energy. It's 5:55am. No sleep all night just worrying about everything. Mind won't stop. I really need to call the mortgage co and see if/how they can help me. I don't believe the mortgage life ins was added at signing when it was supposed to be. I was adamant it be put on there. We refinanced after the aortic valve and disability took away 2/3s of his income. Jerry said at that time they wouldn't refinance again. Mom helped too. Losing 2/3s of the household income and me having no income for 2 mos ..... omg. Now I found a small lump on Rocky the son of Maggie....
    I know I'm not alone here. Wish we could all stay together in person. Less lonely that way. I asked my sister in law if she wanted to move in. I need help desperately with the bills. Jerry in a moment of clarity told me to stay away from her. But what choice do I have? Right now she's waiting to be hired on with Suddenlink and grabbing jobs at Dairy Queen and sonic to try and generate some income til then. She has 4 small chihuahua mix dogs. Unbearable to think about. I'm not gonna be happy either way. She can't come here without a good job and she's driving uninsured and her registration is out on her suv....So she'll have to get those before coming out here.she lives in a different town. And no, I know no one else to ask. Or believe me I would have. I don't trust her. I will have to lock my room and valuables. And hide the keys to Jerrys shop....But if she can help pay the bills.....I told her this is NOT a free ride. Omg. I just can't believe it's all ended up this way....everything we worked so hard for, improvements we made with our own hands, blood, sweat and tears.....
     
  15. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member


    I know your feeling well. We have an acre. Maggie was very depressed and Rocky also after Maggie's passing. But at least you have two businesses that I hope are able to run with this virus mess. I work in a medical clinic, normally doing back office scanning but they put me up front checking pts in and out when they have to. My last day worked before all this was 3/13/20. Before the virus really took off. I'm scared to death as we've had 3 confirmed cases of our employee's getting it but have recovered. I'm scared if I get it and I'm home who's going to take care of me? If I'm hospitalized who's gonna take care of my fur babies.... I don't have to go back til next Friday but I hope my anxiety, depression, panic attacks, brain fog will let me get there....I REALLY don't want to go like everyone else. I'm grateful for all those that are out at the grocery stores etc. Amazon has become my best friend and Walmart curbside too....

    Hugs to you.
    Kim
     
  16. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you going through this. I don't no about her though dont sound like she's stable enough to help you financially. I hate for her to come there and you jus end up with more mouths to feed. I'm praying for you. Yea its definitely a big difference going from having help to nothing. The thing that got me the most is taking care of the kids by myself. With everything going on I dont b wanting to take them out so much but my support is gone. I broke down the other day cause I had to go to work for 2days and it's the first time I'd had to go since everything happened. If he was here I wouldn't have had to get the kids up and dressed to take to daycare. He did that. The second day wasnt so bad. So I no that things will get easier for us to deal with. We just got to hang in there. Praying 4 u
     
  17. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I know it's gonna be horrible until we see the light somewhere. Esp on the virus. That just makes things even worse for us all. So scarey. I know how you feel about work. I'm dreading it also. I can't imaginne having 2 little children. I only have the fur babies and I'm over the top with worry for them. Yes, I hear what you are saying about my sister-in-law. She's never been stable and that's what my husband was warning me about I'm sure. He just made the remark "stay away from Candi". I tried. She didn't even come over to say goodbye. "I have to work tomorrow".....well so did his son and stepdaughter and daughter-in-law. She said goodbye over the phone. He spoke to her but I know he was thinking "typical" of her. After that, I totally had no contact. Blocked her # from my phone, took her # out of my husband's phone....then after mom I panicked about the bills..... But I WILL not tolerate her here without all her ducks in a row. I have made that perfectly clear. Her son and his girlfriend work at Suddenlink also and the girlfriend is making pretty good $. But it's the retention dept and you have to try to talk people into staying w/them and then sell them more services. You have to bs real well. My sister in law can lie with the best of them so she may do well. I don't know. She's just waiting to get the call to start either on 6/1 or 6/15. Either way it'll be a bit until she gets her check and they also get some kind of bonus check but I don't understand that.....I'm not sure she gets it either. I'm really dreading it if it happens, but what else can I do?
    I'm gonna call the mortgage co this morning when I get my head together and pull that bandaid off.....Not sure where it will go....You are like so many of us. No support of any kind that can just jump in and be here.
     
  18. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Kim,
    I’m sorry you had such an awful night and the things you tried didn’t help. Maybe over time they will help, I hope. I know sleep and eating were very difficult for me in the early months. I have RA and not sleeping well comes along with RA. So sleep has been an issue for quite a while. I started taking BD oil, for RA, I don’t believe it helped, but it does help me sleep. If you should decide to give it a try, you need full spectrum + and made in USA.
    You’re sister in law, hmmm I understand it’s your only option but seems scary. I have a sister I’ve had to cut all ties with. But after Ron passed she seemed to genuinely care and actually seemed to be supportive. Then she said some things that made me think, she has a motive she’s being too supportive for the relationship ship we had. She has had 2 divorces, and a couple years back she moved down to Florida. She hates it there and wants to move back to NY. She can’t afford the move. I started sharing with my brothers and children some things she was saying. Mind you this was happening right after Ron passed and for 4 or 5 months. We all came to same conclusion, she wanted to move in with me on my dime. She started judging me on what I was eating and asking if I cleaned up certain things. I thought she was concerned because I wasn’t eating at all. But no she didn’t care I was losing weight rapidly, she was judging if I ate fast food. Which I wasn’t but none of her business. I called her out on judging me she wouldn’t admit she was wrong and then went on to accuse me of being a terrible sister. I stopped all communication. I had to. I believe she is a narcissist and I can’t have that in my life right now. So I underdrrstand the relationship issues. If you end up having her come live with you, I’d recommend making her sign a legal form stating what she needs to pay and take care of and get it notarized. To cover you in case it doesn’t go well. Such a shame the mortgage life ins didn’t get added. That would have been a great relief. I know that in NY mortgage companies and insurances are trying to help. People because of the virus. But you need something more long term. I hope that conversation goes well. Have you looked into receiving your husbands SS benefits? I’m not sure if offices are even open, but something to look into.
    I’m so sorry about Rocky, I pray it’s nothing serious. I have my dachshund, Ron surprised me with him, he’s my best friend. He was depressed after Ron’s passing and he still sometime so moves his toys in front of Ron’s recliner and then lays Dow. And cries. So sad. Right now he had a fractured toe and wearing a splint. Keeping the splint dry and clean has proven to be difficult. Hopefully it comes off soon.
    It’s hard to think positive but try, something has to give at some point.
    Be safe, stay healthy ❤️
    Robin
     
  19. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I'm trying the cbd oil I forgot about. I give it to Cooper when he get overly rambunctious. It's not really working but I just finished Jerry's tribute page so that's not helping my anxiety and shakiness today.

    Took forever to get out of bed. I still haven't eaten, showered or any grooming. I've just been on here. I'm not motivated at all. Today is pretty bad as far as the depression, anxiety, shakiness, loneliness. Dreary outside too. I know I need to be with people more but the virus scares me so bad! (as most others)

    Sounds as though your sister is a piece of work like my sister-in-law. She hasn't even taken any of the virus seriously! Still goes where she wants, when she wants with no mask....I really don't know if she for sure is going to go through living here. She's living next door to her one son, his wife and 1 1/2yo grandson. I don't know if she'll want to leave that but she said it'd be cheaper to live here $ wise. She had to get $300 from her other son to cover her rent but somehow has $ for wine, whiskey and cigarettes......not trying to be judgmental but...She did admit to being on food stamps. I'm glad you saw through your sister's game quickly.

    I'm not positive about the mortgage ins but am assuming it didn't get added. I need to call. Still procrastinating. That's gotten bad along with my other issues.

    Yes I did do the SS thing. Thank you for the advice on that. That turned out well. Won't let me quit my job, but he has truly blessed me as best he could from above. I haven't gotten anything except for that little amount so far because she has to have me sign the application she sent me then I'll return it with our marriage license which she'll return to me. He was a veteran of the air force too and my sister-in-law told me I need to tell them as she received some money when their dad passed as he was in the air force too. I don't know. Seems like the paperwork and stuff never ends.

    They called yesterday from the funeral home that Mom's ashes are back. I thought they were going to send her over to the cemetery to be added with my dad. Turns out, when the death certs come back to them I have to go there, pick her up, take her to the cemetery office and sign papers and pay for some additional container for them to put her in the site.....UGH. I have anxiety thinking about it especially with the virus......

    I know I need to pick myself up by the bootstraps, dust myself off and get into life again, but I'm just not feeling it.....but sitting here feeling so scared of EVERYTHING isn't either... and I'm not practicing what the counselor wants me too either. Ugh. SMH... I sincerely hope your day is better....

    Hugs
    Kim
     
  20. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member




    Kim,
    First, if I could come give you a hug I would. if anyone needs a hug right now it’s you. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, you have a lot on your plate and you’re doing it alone. You’re doing great! One day one hour one moment at a time. If you climb out of bed and brush your teeth, that’s an accomplishment. You lost two very close and important family members very close to each other, you deserve to sit and cry, plus it’s good to let it out.
    And yes my sister is a piece of work. I had told her we will work this out let’s not talk for a little bit but everything will be fine. She replies back that I’m a terrible sister who was never been there for her. Which is a complete lie. I can hear Ron tell me to stay away from her. And yet I worry about her, what’s wrong with me. I lost the most important person in my life, and she’s a licensed therapist.
    You might be doing this already, but my daughter and I started making a list of things that needed to be done so everything wasn’t filling my head and feeling overwhelmed. We even started added easy things to the list so we felt we accomplished something and could cross things off. Like walk the dog, take a shower, make a pot of coffee. And then you definitely have something you can cross off that list. There is a chance the call about your mortgage might give you good news and you’re worrrying about something that’s a non issue. It’s possible.
    You should step outside with your furry friends and breath in some fresh air, it’s good for you. I used breathing exercises to help me through my worst days. I’ll include a link with directions, scroll down and there’s a video you wT h. I did them often while sitting, you can lay down if you prefer but I found them to help me. Some of things you mention shaking and anxiety, I found then to help me. Do multiple in a row.
    I’m in NY and we’ve had very high numbers with the virus, and I’m considered high risk, so I do understand your fear. But our numbers are going down consistently. They’re lower then when the stay at home order was put in place. That’s good. I don’t know how things are by you but I’m hoping the same. Numbers sliding back.
    Isn’t it something when people let insurances lapse can’t pay their rent but have money for wine and cigarettes, I can’t even process that. Ugh it is what it is.
    I agree the paperwork seems endless and each one more upsetting and stressful. I wish you had someone to help you get through all that stuff. And you’re dealing with it during a health crisis. It’s ok to want to sit and cry
    Give the CBD oil some time. Keep taking it. It does help. My daughter and I also bought ourselves weighted blankets, it helps my daughter emensely, helped me but with arthritis it also hurt me to try and move it. They can be a little costly but keep the idea on the back burner is case down the road you might want one.
    My day is going fair, I’m lacking motivation myself, I’m going to take my furry friend, Ted outside and get some fresh air. Possibly work on the memorial garden I’m making for Ron. I’m more motivatated if I’m doing something for him. He’s my other half that’s missing, but I know he’s watching over me.
    Love your tribute page to Jerry. You’re better then I am, afraid I didn’t make one. Love yours, he would too!
    Please take care and go easy on yourself
    Hugs, Robin

    https://www.anxietycoach.com/breathingexercise.html