My Mom was everything. A mother, a friend, a supporter, an advisor, and my hero. She didn’t have an easy childhood growing up in a divorced family and losing her own mother at the age of 18. But, she did a wonderful job always putting her children first and sacrificing everything so we had everything we needed. She lost her Dad when she was 60 to lung cancer. In April 2010; my parents moved to Florida after my Dad retired due to suffering a heart attack. My Mom was very happy because she was reunited with her younger brother Vincent. For the next three months they would be inseparable and living life to the fullest. She was happy even though I missed them dearly as I lived back home in NJ. However; on July 3, 2010; my Mom’s life was shattered; her brother died right in front of her from a massive heart attack. She never really recovered; in 2016 my parents invited me along with my youngest daughter to move in with them after my marriage of 25 years ended. I was happy to be reunited with my parents but that’s when I realized my Mom stopped living; she had no interest or desire to do anything or to leave the house or go anywhere. She lost a lot of weight and was disappearing right in front of me. I tried everything but nothing ever worked. However; I did take her to see her favorite ventriloquist Terry Fator for Christmas in 2018. Fast forward; to December 1, 2019, my world was turned upside down. My Mom was dying; she was diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoma cancer. They said there was nothing they could do. I would give her ice chips in the morning before I left for work and take care of her when I got home. Than she started falling quite often; my Dad and I would have to help her; she became so weak and wasn’t eating. On Friday January 17th, she would fall for the last time. It took us over an hour to pick her up off the bathroom floor; we managed to get her into bed where she fell asleep from exhaustion. The next morning she wasn’t breathing right so I called 911; she would never come home. The next four days; I along with my Dad we’re making decisions about her health. I refused to have her put on a machine or chest compressions that would break her ribs. I had chosen to let my Mom go. On Tuesday January 21, 2020 I loss my Mom and best friend to breathing complications associated with her lung cancer. I had given her permission to go and promised her I would take care of my Dad. Now, it’s been five months since she passed and I can‘t seem to get past the grief and loss. I have this constant sadness, emptiness, and loneliness that never goes away. Other people don’t understand and I feel alone in this. I feel disconnected to life in general; my counselor asked me to think about a new vision board and my response was I can’t even envision a life without my Mom. She’s everywhere I look, every tv show I watch we did it together, and in all my thoughts. I cry all the time when I’m only and pretend my life is good and happy when I’m at work or around others. This pain, emptiness, loss, and void is unbearable and I’m so tired of this life. My counselor says I’m letting life happen and I’m not living. I don’t know how without her. I’m all alone; my daughter will be graduating in 2021 and going on with her life. I have no man in my life now or for the last 5 years; no one to lean on and help me thru this. I want the pain and loneliness to stop. Forever broken-hearted and lost. I love you Mom more than life.