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I loss my Mom; my friend

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by TLC50, Jun 27, 2020.

  1. TLC50

    TLC50 New Member

    My Mom was everything. A mother, a friend, a supporter, an advisor, and my hero. She didn’t have an easy childhood growing up in a divorced family and losing her own mother at the age of 18. But, she did a wonderful job always putting her children first and sacrificing everything so we had everything we needed. She lost her Dad when she was 60 to lung cancer.

    In April 2010; my parents moved to Florida after my Dad retired due to suffering a heart attack. My Mom was very happy because she was reunited with her younger brother Vincent. For the next three months they would be inseparable and living life to the fullest. She was happy even though I missed them dearly as I lived back home in NJ. However; on July 3, 2010; my Mom’s life was shattered; her brother died right in front of her from a massive heart attack. She never really recovered; in 2016 my parents invited me along with my youngest daughter to move in with them after my marriage of 25 years ended. I was happy to be reunited with my parents but that’s when I realized my Mom stopped living; she had no interest or desire to do anything or to leave the house or go anywhere. She lost a lot of weight and was disappearing right in front of me. I tried everything but nothing ever worked. However; I did take her to see her favorite ventriloquist Terry Fator for Christmas in 2018.

    Fast forward; to December 1, 2019, my world was turned upside down. My Mom was dying; she was diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoma cancer. They said there was nothing they could do. I would give her ice chips in the morning before I left for work and take care of her when I got home. Than she started falling quite often; my Dad and I would have to help her; she became so weak and wasn’t eating. On Friday January 17th, she would fall for the last time. It took us over an hour to pick her up off the bathroom floor; we managed to get her into bed where she fell asleep from exhaustion. The next morning she wasn’t breathing right so I called 911; she would never come home. The next four days; I along with my Dad we’re making decisions about her health. I refused to have her put on a machine or chest compressions that would break her ribs. I had chosen to let my Mom go. On Tuesday January 21, 2020 I loss my Mom and best friend to breathing complications associated with her lung cancer. I had given her permission to go and promised her I would take care of my Dad.

    Now, it’s been five months since she passed and I can‘t seem to get past the grief and loss. I have this constant sadness, emptiness, and loneliness that never goes away. Other people don’t understand and I feel alone in this. I feel disconnected to life in general; my counselor asked me to think about a new vision board and my response was I can’t even envision a life without my Mom. She’s everywhere I look, every tv show I watch we did it together, and in all my thoughts. I cry all the time when I’m only and pretend my life is good and happy when I’m at work or around others. This pain, emptiness, loss, and void is unbearable and I’m so tired of this life. My counselor says I’m letting life happen and I’m not living. I don’t know how without her. I’m all alone; my daughter will be graduating in 2021 and going on with her life. I have no man in my life now or for the last 5 years; no one to lean on and help me thru this. I want the pain and loneliness to stop. Forever broken-hearted and lost. I love you Mom more than life.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. I feel your pain in your words, I wish I had a magic wand to wave over you and take your pain away. I know the pain you speak of, it’s overwhelming, can’t think straight, or sleep. Life all around you moves on while you feel like a robot just going through the motions.
    My husband was taken from me a year and half ago. He suffered a massive heart attack, and was taken from me in 2 hours. We had no signs previous to that awful night. He was healthy. So I do understand your loss and pain. I have also lost both my parents and understand that loss very well. My dad passed first from cancer, and I didn’t think I could live a day without my Dad, he was my hero, he knew everything. But I had 2 young children and my Mom to support. My Mom was always my best friend and we got even closer. My Mom passed away 11 years after my Dad, she had heart surgery and then suffered from dementia. Losing our parents is so difficult, aren’t they supposed to live forever, they were always there for support and help all along the way in our lives. But they also helped mold us into the people we are today. They’re in our heart forever and I believe our loved ones are watching over us. I lost my parents many years ago, and yet when my husband passed, I felt the need to tell them.
    My life has changed so much since Ron passed, but I use our love and the wonderful life we had as my inspiration to keep moving forward. I want to make him proud. I find staying busy helps me through each day. I know the loneliness you speak of and it feels awful. Come to this site often and read other people’s stories and continue to share your own story. It’s very helpful. I didn’t find this site until 11 months after I lost my soul mate. I was not doing well. But people on here understand the pain, sorrow, loneliness, etc. . It feels good knowing people understand how you’re feeling, and you’re not alone. This site has helped me so much, and people on here will help you too.
    Take one day at a time and take care of you.
    Sending you hugs!
  3. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

    My mom means a lot to me also. She passed away on May 29, 2020. At times my loss is unbearable. I think of her every single day and still cry often. I do understand your void because I have the same one. I pray that God will give us both the strength we need to continue with life and enjoy our time on this earth with our other loved ones. I think our mothers would want that. Cherish the good memories of her. She is your guardian angel now.
  4. Gingersnap

    Gingersnap Member

    My mom passed on Dec. 1, 2017, and for some reason, NOW, I find myself FIXATED on her, and guilt about how her last moments were. I am so glad you have your father to help you understand. However, I know the very real, raw pain from losing your mom. Just wanted to say I'm with you.
  5. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

    My dad died in 1986. I loved him just as much but that pain is a little more bearable. I was blessed with both loving parents. It had been 30 yrs since our family chain was broken with mom just passing 2020. Again blessed to have had both of them! I have to say though it does seem different with mom. Almost ashamed to say that. Forgive me.