*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

I hate it

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Lost!, Sep 23, 2021.

  1. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Deb. I don't feel guilty NOW,
    but I was a tortured man ( hence, my
    user name, Van Gogh), when I was
    in the psychiatric unit, & didn't care if I
    lived or died. BTW, on a side note, I
    I identified with Van Gogh's highs
    ( creativity) and lows ( despair). I still
    cry when I hear the song, "Starry, starry
    night....". The tragedy is that if Vincent
    had the benefits of modern medicine,
    he still could have been creative, without
    the crushing despair and loneliness.
    Thank God I never acted on my suicidal
    thoughts. I joined a widowed persons
    group, headed by a woman of 80. Her
    husband died young, suddenly, at 50.
    Instead of crawling into a hole, she
    wanted to help others, like Tom Zuba
    did. She said that one day, she wanted to
    join her husband, in Heaven, but made
    the group of 20 women , and me, laugh
    when she said she was "in no hurry".
    So sorry you have terrible migraines. I
    can't imagine that. Spoiler alert: so does
    Jonathan. Come to think of it, he touches
    on every subject that would appeal to
    both of us. My other email to you is
    that I had a good sleep bc of my positive
    encounters: Roger in the am, and Ginny
    at Twilight. Being a small town, they know
    and like each other. Lou
     
  2. Cynde1966

    Cynde1966 Member

    I appreciate your support. Sometimes It is some how easier to talk on this website than it does in person. It is tough when a connection is made then the person disappears. I guess it is the nature of grief
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  3. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Center for Loss came through for me
    again today, Deb. : " In telling the story of
    our regrets, we grow to understand that
    much of what happens in life, is beyond
    our control". Another set of words that
    are comforting are from The Serenity
    Prayer, famously used at AA meetings.
    Come to think of it, I like their bumper
    stickers: "One Day at a Time" and "Easy
    Does It". It's cool and overcast, no sun
    so far, but I just visited with my
    "service dog", a quiet male French
    Bulldog. He's wearing a hoodie ( !) and
    women walking by, are making a big
    fuss over him. I love to hug him, and he
    loves it too! I sit with his owner, a
    widow, & we have a lot of laughs now
    bc of her dog. Hope you're getting out
    of your depression & loneliness, and can
    walk outside. Lou
     
  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    I agree, Cynde. I had joined a widowed
    persons group, but dropped out. I was the
    only guy with 20 older women. None of
    them would even think of being with
    another man, after their husbands died.
    They talked about trivial things, like
    where to go out to eat after meetings. I
    like this site much better, for its honesty,
    and that we check on each other every
    day. Lou
     
  5. Cynde1966

    Cynde1966 Member

    That is why i dont go. People get stuck in their grief and don't move forward. I want to move forward. Never forget Ryan but live my new life to the best of my ability. I am not finding that in face to face situations
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  6. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Lou,

    I'm so glad you no longer feel guilty!!! You were so brave, and so much stronger than you realized, to be able to ask for help, and to accept it. Whenever I think about where you've been, and where you are now, it always makes me smile... You've come such a long way in such a short amount of time!!! I think it takes a lot of courage to be able to "talk" about your past, so openly and honestly here.

    I definitely have that foggy widow brain thing going on, I'm having way too much trouble following all these messages the past few days. I'm so glad you got a good night's sleep, and I remember you telling me about meeting up with Roger first, then Ginny later on. Not only do I wish I could meet Ginny, but wish I could meet Roger too... You have some very interesting and wonderful friends.

    It cleared up and turned out to be a beautiful afternoon. I went for a walk, then sat outside with a few of my neighbors. I had to force myself to go for a walk today, and then to sit outside with my neighbors, but I'm glad I did. I kept thinking about yesterday's conversation, "fake it, until you make it." I was surprised because I truly felt a bit better by the time I got home. I smiled as soon as I read about you hugging your "service dog." Dogs are the absolute best!!! I'm glad you're enjoying the afternoon too, in spite of the weather.

    Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
  7. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Just had light supper at home & was
    pleased to see your kind message, Deb.
    The dog's name is Guppa, and he has a
    huge head, looks like he's smiling, but has
    big eyes and a furrowed brow. Many
    women and little girls came over to ooh &
    ahh over him & he loved every minute of
    it. It was his kind of weather day, cool,
    without the hot sun beating down on him.
    His owner had to take him inside the AC
    on hot, humid days, and I missed him. That's one good thing about autumn
    temps. Guppa never barks, even if little
    yappy dogs do. He's really funny, when he
    gets to play with another Frenchie! I feel
    immediately calmer when I pet Guppa. He
    looks up at me with big, brown eyes. The
    only thing I won't let him do, is lick my
    face. His owner, a widow, feels the same
    way! Don't feel bad about falling behind
    in your messages. I see that you're
    helping Cynde, as I am. I 've been
    having intense "talks" with George. I told
    him that we're a lot alike, and that
    Valerie & Linda were. too. George hopes
    to borrow The Widower's Notebook from
    the library, and I told him the 3 of us
    should have a book club! Lou
     
  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Good for you, Cynde. You have to listen to
    your gut, and decide what's best for you.
    I've learned to say no to invitations, if I
    need the quiet of my own apartment.
    I'm trying to find a balance between being
    with others, smiling, and even laughing,
    and being alone. Hope you have a good,
    relaxing evening. Do you watch any
    enjoyable TV, series, or movies? Hope you're able to sleep better. I know it must
    be very tough with all your chores, and
    cooking for a teenage boy. I just have to
    take care of myself, and keep to a regular
    eating, sleeping, and walking outside
    schedule. Lou