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I don’t know where to go from here

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by abryanton, Apr 25, 2021.

  1. abryanton

    abryanton New Member

    My wife recently passed away. On the 11th of April 2021. At the age of 30. She was diagnosed with a rare cancer in October. In November she had major surgery. They removed her spleen half her pancreas, tranvese colon and performed an colostomy. They also performed a gastric sleeve. Due to the tumour being wrapped around everything. She started an oral chemo pill and things were looking good. As her cancer is in curable. But there is evidence of people living 30 to 50. Years in the chemo drug. Things started to turn. When the drug stopped and they just never found another drug to work. The worst part was taking her to the hospital for blood transfusions. And getting told you will be home Tuesday. With a new drug. Well on the Saturday they came and Hamm gave us the you only have Maby a day left to live. The cancer has won. I stayed by her side for 18 hours till she passed. The hardest part was telling our 2 daughters. Aged 5 and 2. That this is the last time you will get to see mommmy and you can go and say good bye in the hospital. It just all seems like a cruel prank. I’ve been strong for her for so long. I just don’t know how to stop and grieve. I stayed so calm and supportive and positive. As long as I kept it together she stayed calm. And didn’t freak out she did to.

    it just seems like this is we’re it ends. We started dating in grade 12. We were together for 13 years. Married for 6. We areboth only 30. That’s almost half our lives together. Our birthdays are only 3 days apart. It’s almost one of those once in a lifetime loves. That come around. I don’t know what to tell my girls when they ask for there mommy. What have you guys done to cope and help little people with grief.

    I attached a link to the obituary in case anyone was curious about this fierce women
  2. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

  3. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    I grieve with you and for you. Cancer is horrible and cruel. My sweet wife Janet, was also taken by cancer. It will be two years in October since she passed and I still miss her with all of my being. It's tragic that you lost your soul-mate so early in your lives, while I didn't even meet Janet until I was nearly sixty, but she has since (and still) blessed my life in in so many ways. We both can thank our God for giving each of us the blessed opportunity of their presence in our lives. She is still with you in spirit, and lives on through your children. I believe she is still lives with and through you, and is constantly beside you. (just be aware)
    May God bless you and your family.

  4. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    Our Story

    Janet and Bill

    My Beloved wife Janet lost her earthly battle against brain cancer on October 18th, 2019 at 8:40 in the morning. I was at her side, as I was every minute of every day for over a year. Janet was the bravest, and most caring human being that I have ever known. Despite all the pain and physical challenges she faced every day, she was always more concerned about how I was doing. Are you OK? was always the first thing out of her mouth every morning. She knew she was dying with no hope of recovery, but she always put my welfare first.

    If, with your permission I can now turn back the clock to January of 2019, I will continue with OUR story.

    Janet started having problems with her balance early in January and would fall on occasion. After several trips to the emergency room, she was finally examined by an on-duty brain surgeon who ordered an immediate CT-scan. They discovered a rapidly growing tumor near the area of the brain that controls sight. She had been having a lot of problems with her peripheral vision, and they had to be extra careful if any surgeries were planned, because of the risk for blindness. Despite the danger and because of the urgency, surgery was scheduled the next morning. They drilled a hole in the back of Janet’s skull and tried to carefully vacuum out the cancer. They failed to get it all, due to the close proximity of the vision area of the brain and the tumor. They then tried radiation treatments (5 days a week for 16 weeks). At this point we still had a glimmer of hope, which was soon dashed when, after the radiation treatments, we were told there were no other pathways to a successful result, and my beloved Soulmate Janet was going to die... There was nothing we could do now but to accept what they predicted.

    We were then transferred to hospice care and I assumed the role of full-time caretaker, but she could, at least, stay at home. After a few weeks Doctors decided that Janet should go on 24-hour bedrest with a catheter and all (she hated that catheter) At that point, I had lost 50 pounds, and my clothes no longer fit, but Hospice still allowed me to move into Janet’s room and to sleep in a chair that folded out into a makeshift bed so I could continue to be close to her 24/7.

    When I was caring for Janet at home, she slept in a recliner in our living room, and I crashed within arm’s length of her on the corner of the couch next to her chair, so I could be available to help her to the bathroom, or if she needed assistance for anything. I never left her side, nor did I want to. Her nearness gave me strength. The Hospice volunteers and staff became our family. I will be forever grateful for their kindness. As time passed, it became more difficult for Janet to chew and swallow her food, so I had to cut up her food and spoon feed her, and eventually, she could only eat pudding or yogurt. I will never forget the grateful look in her eyes when I fed her. That look is one of my most cherished memories. Janet has contacted me since she passed, and I feel her presence often, and her reactions to unseen entities has inspired me to write several songs. She has mentored me from beyond this physical life every single day, and I know I will be with her again when my time on earth is over. The day I first met her was the luckiest day of my life.

    We listened to music together all the time.” Adagio for Strings” by Samuel Barber and Donny Hathaway’s “A Song for You” played while she died. I love and miss her so much it’s impossible to describe. I have learned to exist without her, but I still grieve the loss of US/WE as a pair. I wouldn’t be writing this if not for music, and the written word which saved me. (Thank you Joanie)
  5. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

  6. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    These words will be converted to a song starting on May 5th.

    GONE (2021)

    In the darkness, I feel your body pressed to mine, and as

    the fragrance of your perfume wafts across my face and with the certainty of God’s Grace… for a time…

    all… in my tiny world, is perfectly in line.

    In my dream I cup your face with trembling hands, pledging eternal love as I hold our wedding bands but, your soft and pliable lips are not coming to grips, with tomorrow’s un-imagined truths and reality’s fateful proofs.

    My heart hides an open wound and is certainly not festooned with a garland of roses that might belong…All I know is…

    I love her but, she’s gone… except for now…She lives on in song.

    She’s gone… but I still want her.

    She’s gone… but I still need her.

    She’s gone… but I still LOVE her…She’s gone…Yes…just for now… She’s gone…

    For today and tonight, and maybe forever… she’s gone…she’s gone…

    My Baby’s GONE…
    cjpines likes this.
  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Beautiful song. It moved my heart. Thank you.