*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

I can't live like this

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Iris Fontaine, May 30, 2018.

  1. Iris Fontaine

    Iris Fontaine New Member

    Lost my husband of nearly 36 years (together for a year and a half before that) on March 31, 2018. It will only be 2 months tomorrow and it feels like soooo much longer already. The pain is incredibly hard to deal with, he was my best friend. He had that beast of a disease cancer. I hate all doctors now and have no faith left either. People say to pray, well we never were very religious but we both believed in God, I don't think so now . God can quit picking on me if he is truly there and move on now, I have had more loss in my life then I believe I deserve. My mom died when I was 9, my dad died when I was 16, I have lost 4 brothers and 3 sisters, now my husband. I am not that bad of a person seriously, I did not kill anyone or do awful things and I was always nice to people. There got that out there now I feel a touch better. I will love him forever and no one could ever interest me again.
     
    Boze and Nene like this.
  2. lulup

    lulup Member

    I lost my husband April 19th and the pain is unbearable. I am glad we found a place to share our feelings
     
    Iris Fontaine likes this.
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I never subscribed to the theory that bad things happen to people because they have done something to deserve it. As much as it makes no sense, bad things just happen. Why some people seem to have more than their fair share, who knows...
     
  4. Laney55

    Laney55 Member

    Iris,
    I can definitely relate to you. I have lost my mom, dad and only sibling over the last few years and just lost my loving husband to cancer after 19 years of marriage. We didn't have children, so I've lost everyone now and I'm only in my 50's. He was my best friend, and we loved each other so much. The pain of losing him is so hard. I do believe God loves us, even if we don't understand why he allows things to happen they way they do. Take Care...
     
  5. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    I, too, have lost everyone I ever cared about: mom in 1984, sister in 1999, father and first partner in 2000 and second partner six weeks ago _June 30). His death was very, very traumatic as it was unexpected and it happened right in front of me - sudden cardiac arrest with a less than 2 percent chance of surviving. I am 58 and I am really tired of losing family. I am basically an orphan. I think I have PTSD, something I had 18 years ago
     
  6. Laney55

    Laney55 Member

    Michele,

    I’m So sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing your story. Some how we will heal. Take care.
     
  7. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    So what part of California do you live? Robert, my loved one, and I moved from the Sacramento area in 2013 to move back to his home state and to get health care fron his tribe. Now he's dead and I don't know a soul outside of work friends. It feels very strange as the whole reason for us being here is now deceased. Yet California no longer feels like home, even though I was born there and lived there for almost 50 years.
     
  8. Laney55

    Laney55 Member

    I have lived in and around the Sacramento area my entire life.
     
  9. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    T
    Time seems to have slowed way, way, way down. I have had a lot of early losses like you. My sister was murdered when I was 12 years old. My brother is gone. My mother, and father too. Now a man I was really in love with. I didn’t do anything wrong either. It was a crazy teacher who thought he had to arrange other people’s lives according to his ideal of what everyone should live like. What a really strange strange society we live in.