I can't believe you were gone dad

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Lakelure, Sep 7, 2016.

  1. Lakelure

    Lakelure Guest

    My father would've been 81 in September. He had no major health problems. Today he went into the hospital he had been outside all day with my mother, puttering around the yard. He was very active still mowing the lawn raking etc. he was still driving and like to go on rides with my mother. Today he went into the hospital he was pretty much fine. He complained of a stomachache during the day. That evening he told my mother he needed help and was in excruciating pain. It was the stomach. He was brought to the hospital by ambulance where we found out he had a pancreatitis attack. He was not aware he had pancreatitis and I never had an attack before. The change just hours of him was so scary. He couldn't eat because of his stomach he was on a lot of pain medication and basically was just not really with it when he was in the hospital. He showed great signs of improvement and I hopes were all up. He aspirated vomit and got pneumonia. Two weeks to the day of him going into the hospital I got a call early in the morning that I needed to get to the hospital that my dad was not doing well. On September 23 my father passed surrounded by his family and loved ones. I don't even know how to explain how I'm feeling. I can't believe he's gone. He was fine then two weeks later he was gone. I have a very hard time understanding why and how this could happen. I don't think I've come to terms with that yet. I come from a very close knit family my mom and dad are my best friends and heroes. I could never imagine the pain that I am feeling now. He was my daddy and I was daddy's little girl. I have a brother seven years older than me and his sister eight years older than me. So I was kind of like the only child from the time I was about seven or eight because my sister and brother were out doing their own thing. I had a very special relationship with my parents as did my sister and brother. I don't know what to do with myself. The last two days have been the hardest days for me since he passed. I don't understand that I should've been crying the way I am now when he first past and I feel guilty that I wasn't. I have made a pillow out of one of his shirts and keep it very close along with the picture of him that is very special to me. I don't even know what I'm looking for or what ask from this group. Right now I guess I would just like Support and maybe from your experience answers to how I'm feeling. I miss my daddy so much. I am 48 years old and yes I called in my daddy which she will forever be.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Lakelure - thank you for being here and for sharing your story. In my time working as a bereavement counselor I have facilitated many groups for those who have lost a parent. I find what often brings people to the group is not only the sadness they feel in losing their parent, but the surprise they feel in the sadness experienced after losing their parent. As it is supposed to be the "natural order of things" (not my words, but ones I've heard often!) there doesn't seem to be a lot of support or understanding when someone loses their mom or dad - especially if the parent was older. So in addition to a great loss, a person may feel they are not being supported in their loss, which in turn can make them feel that they shouldn't be feeling the way they're feeling, or that they should be handling it better or differently. I've said this in our forums before, but bottom line is that our parents are the first people we love. And if we're lucky, they are the ones who continue to provide us with unconditional love and emotional security and stability throughout our lives. You've never known a life without your Dad and right now you're just beginning to learn what that may feel like or look like. Grieving these great losses takes a lot of time, so whatever you're feeling, or however you feel you're doing - it's okay. This process can't be rushed, so be kind and gentle with yourself and give yourself some time to adjust to this very big change. By coming here you have the chance to find others who can understand. You can find them through our "See and Share Stories" forums, but you can also search for them by going to our homepage - click on "Make a Connection" and then "Find Others Who are Grieving". There you can search for someone to connect with using the criteria that is important to you. I hope you find what you need and I hope we can be a help to you. I wish you all the best...
     
  3. Lakelure

    Lakelure Guest

    That is exactly how I'm feeling it's so surprising to me to hear somebody else say that. I post things often on Facebook witches private. I feel like some people may be getting sick of seeing me post things about the loss of my father which makes me feel guilty and like I should stop. For some reason posting these things is helpful for me. I've always been a person who can express myself in a letter. From the day I graduated high school up to now I have written letters to my parents on a regular basis. I would either mail them or drop it on my mom's bed or on her chair so she wouldn't notice until after I left. I am 48 years old now and this will not stop. There will be letters I write and mail to my mom and there will be letters that I write to my father and keep it ina special spot. Should I stop putting things on Facebook in keeping them more to myself
     
  4. Keara Love

    Keara Love Member

    I am 18 years old, i have had a rough life.. i am a single mom to a beautiful son, named Malachi. Cody was my Ex and my bestfriend. He was coming home from a party late one night at about 2:00 am. I had my phone turned off cause Malachi Can't sleep.. He was Drunk and hit by the train.. Malachi was left without a dad, and i was left without the love of my life.