I am having the most difficult time

It's been 4 months and 29 days since my dad passed and I am having a terrible time grieving. I cry several times a day and it seems like all I do is think of him. I miss him so much. Every night I cry hysterically. I am heartbroken that he isn't here. I just feel horrible. I just never knew it would be this painful. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

 

Hello riverinohio, I know it's hard actually it's very Hard! I lost my father in March of 2017 it still hurts. But I try and think of the positive things and silly things he would have said or done that bring a smile to my face. I wish I knew about this website back then.... it's hard what can work for one individual may not work for another... just sharing how you feel may also help with the pain. I know it does with me. Hope I was of some help

 

Thank you for your reply. I can't really share my feelings with my family. We are so different. I was extremely close to my dad and was his caregiver for many years so it has been very rough on me. My dad and I had this "you and me against the world relationship" because while he would have numerous hospital visits no one came to visit him while he was in the hospital. I stayed by his side and made up for his other crappy children. I just feel terrible that he was sick and I feel terrible that he was mostly abandoned by my other siblings. It hurts all the way around. I am trying to feel grateful but he was also my best friend and now I have to find my way because I literally spent 12-14 hours every day by his side. I am a mess right now but trying to dig through this pain. Thank you!

 

Oh riverinohio you are soo welcome you and I have a lot in common I was my fathers care giver he had no one else it was always the three of us my father my daughter and myself against the world ... I know the pain and the ache and the guilt of knowing there was no one else there for him I used to cry cause he didn't have a wife to be there with him or my brother would not try and reach out ..their relationship was non existent ... I was exhausted sometimes I couldn't even recognize myself because being a caregiver and wearing many hats was sooo hard.... The hardest part for me was I found my father on the floor next to his bed when I got home from class he had a heart attack... I tried hard to save him with CPR but by the time the ambulance came ... And continued CPR it was to late. I felt for the longest time that I had failed my father cause I couldn't save his life.. The trauma of finding him and performing CPR and not being able to save him affected me. Its taken some time now for me to realize that at least Dad was not alone in his last moments even though I couldn't save him... He knew that I was there with him. Its hard riverinohio if you ever need someone to just listen you can message me anytime. Many hugs to you during this difficult time.

 

Oh riverinohio you are soo welcome you and I have a lot in common I was my fathers care giver he had no one else it was always the three of us my father my daughter and myself against the world ... I know the pain and the ache and the guilt of knowing there was no one else there for him I used to cry cause he didn't have a wife to be there with him or my brother would not try and reach out ..their relationship was non existent ... I was exhausted sometimes I couldn't even recognize myself because being a caregiver and wearing many hats was sooo hard.... The hardest part for me was I found my father on the floor next to his bed when I got home from class he had a heart attack... I tried hard to save him with CPR but by the time the ambulance came ... And continued CPR it was to late. I felt for the longest time that I had failed my father cause I couldn't save his life.. The trauma of finding him and performing CPR and not being able to save him affected me. Its taken some time now for me to realize that at least Dad was not alone in his last moments even though I couldn't save him... He knew that I was there with him. Its hard riverinohio if you ever need someone to just listen you can message me anytime. Many hugs to you during this difficult time.

 

It has been 6 weeks and 4 days since my dad passed. I know exactly what you are feeling. I lived and cared for...cooked and cleaned. Banking, shopping and all doctors appointments were on me. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. But they were nowhere to be found. Now my 2 sisters want to sell the house that we grew up in and where I have lived for the last 16 years. It's more than a house to me.. I couldn't put a price it if I tried. They have been out of this house...sone almost 30 years and they already have a place to call home.

 

I lost my dad suddenly in March. I talked to him Saturday and Sunday I got a call he had passed. One thing that has helped me a lot is writing letters to him. I am the "rock" of my family do I usually dont get emotional a lot but this has really helped me process his passing.

 

I have two sisters and three brothers and they too didn't help me or visit dad. I think that is part of the problem too. I can't make peace with that. I am grieving so deeply while they just go about their lives and have for the seven years that I gave up to take care of him. It is complicated for sure. I am sorry your family is so cold hearted to sell the house. Sometimes I feel that some people are so ignorant that they lack any kind of empathy. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for responding to me. Hang in there. You are a survivor to be a caregiver and do what you did. It takes strong people to do it.