I am a wreck without my wife

Thanks Lou, I was wondering if my post got thrown into cyber space by mistake. I will get the book Widower's Notebook as you mentioned it's helped you and others. Hope you are having a nice day and I'll be back to read more posts throughout the day. To me, all the many posts are like reading a novel, many chapters. K

 

Lou,

I briefly skimmed some of the posts that have been added since last night. Was planning on reading them in detail and responding when I get back from running some errands (necessary ones today!), when I saw this. You did it again, you made me laugh, and I mean REALLY laugh!!! All I'm going to say it's a good thing my plumbing system is currently in good working order, total understatement!!! (added this one just for you).

Please don't get arrested, I live way too far away to bail you out!!!

Be back to "talk" to you, to everyone later on...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Patti.

I've been thinking about you the entire day. Praying your appointment went well... Whenever you feel up to it, please update. Thanks in advance!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

I was just beginning to feel better, was walking on a raised wooden path through the woods, and was about to sit on a bench, like I did yesterday. Today, unlike yesterday, I wanted to try to block out every thought, try to veg out, and just listen to the sounds of nature... I heard the sounds of rescue vehicles, sirens blaring, impossible to escape the noise. As always, whenever I hear sirens, I started crying. Instead of sitting down, I turned around, headed back in the other direction, away from those sirens. I started speed walking, I really felt like running, but my doctors told me I had to give it up (previous injuries and arthritis). I started feeling a bit better after about another mile or two. By the time I got home, I was okay. Fresh air and a bit of exercise always seem to make my worst moments better.

I hope you were able to nap during dialysis. I hope you're finally back home and that you're doing okay.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I read your response to George and need to respond. The sixth month anniversary of Bob's death was yesterday, October 11th. I think I might have confused you because by accident when I was "talking" to George (? I think it was George), I said the anniversary of Bob's death was the 13th. So sorry!!! I'll be here for you and for George tomorrow. I hope as Robin told me, that for the two of you, the actual day isn't as bad as the days leading up to it, the anticipation of it's soon to be arrival.

I think you gave George some really good advice when you told him "anniversaries and holidays are ONE day." I agree, life is precious and we have to try to focus and be grateful for all the good things. I'm trying hard to do this. I always start the day by thinking of at least one thing I'm grateful for before I get out of bed. However, as hard as I try, there are way too many days that I'm miserable. But, and this is one of those really BIG buts, I think I'm moving forward because now, even in the middle of a really miserable day, I can laugh again. So most of my days are now, as Robin would say, are happy mixed with sad. Before I keep on going and going, going to end this here!!!

BTW thank you for your poetic description of the fall. Robert Frost would be proud of you!!!

As always sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I responded to this in a previous post awhile ago, but in case you don' find it, I'm so sorry. I know I confused you when you read a message I sent to George where I incorrectly said the sixth month anniversary of Bob's death was Oct. 13th. It was yesterday, Oct. 11th. I will be here for you and George tomorrow!!!

Another really short message, I think I'm starting to a new record with how many short messages I can send.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. I just saw that it's right above this one. So scrap this last message.

 

Hi Deb, didn't get home from surgery until almost six 6:00 PM
more painful than the first surgery couple months ago.
I miss Jack so much, prior to his illness, through life trials
I gained so much strength always feeling secure and safe
having him right with me gave me strength, knowing
that everything was going to be okay, I am feeling weal in
being insecure , lost, lonely without him.
I will try and get some sleep, can't take anymore for pain,
have to sleep upright for couple nights.
Hugs, Blessings.
Patti

 

Patti, it's me Karen just read your post. I understand your insecurity during this time. I know you miss Jack supporting you. Did you have any family with you? I don't know what kind of surgery you had or even if you shared, I think it was your eye?, but that's okay. Just rest, heal and we are with you in prayers. You are loved here on this forum. Karen

 

Patti,

I'm teary eyed reading this... I totally "get" how you're feeling. I felt the same exact way... so safe, secure, feeling like I could handle anything life threw my way, with Bob by my side. The world becomes such a lonely, scary place when your "person," the one who has your back, and you have his, no matter what, is no longer with you. It is the most intense, no words can possibly describe it, kind of pain... Knowing that no matter how much family and friends love and care about you, it just isn't the same as that very special love, that very special all will be right with the world kind of feeling, that you share with your "person." I know none of what I just said helps... but I want you to know I understand how you're feeling.

Please take the very best care of yourself you possibly can. I am so sorry you are in so much pain... I hope and pray that you heal as quickly as possible, and with as little pain as possible from this procedure.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, and the thoughts and prayers of all your friends here, at GIC.

Sending many, many hugs your way, and as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

It’s so comforting to wake up in the morning and look at everyone’s posts and not feel so all alone. I’m hoping when Lou and George walk down memory lane today they will stay on the sunny side of the street. I know when I’m suffering the negative energy in the universe has more power over me. Like Karen said the weeds just keep coming and have to be pulled regularly. I don’t like suffering but sometimes it gives me the opportunity for spiritual growth where I can tap into the positive energy in the universe. George I’ve been thinking about you and Patti I’m thinking about you too and I hope you both have a good day. George you are so right how people are destroying themselves by their thirst for materialism. And it’s so good to see Deb interacting with nature and feeling the peace and connection with the great earth mother. Lou Blue blue skies smiling at me is such a wonderful feeling that someone is experiencing that today and I’m glad it’s you. I just realized that George is from Illinois and I’m from Indiana. The cloud belt yuck. I’ve been hoping to get out into the woods and put a tree stand up for deer hunting soon. Since Cheryl passed away I thought about giving up hunting from a tree for fear of falling. I’ve changed my mind and I’m not ready to give that up yet. I can’t keep living in the fear of dying. I’ll play it smart. I wear a safety harness and I don’t take chances. The fear of death came back after Cheryl passed away. The same thing happened to my mom after dad passed. I even went as far as to put grab bars in my bathtub. I need to walk through this fear and not let it paralyze me. It’s a full-time job to. I Posted another guided meditation. Peace. Gary

 

George, as you can see from my middle of
night post to Karen, and my reply to Deb
this am, I was so focused today that I
FORGOT it was Linda's birthday. But, I
did recall that it was your sad wedding
anniversary with Valerie and the sad
anniversary of the death of Deb's husband,
Bob. Hope you can find some serenity
today. As I said to Deb, we're here for you.
Lou

 

Hey Lou!~ Talked through a session today with a hospice grief counsellor. Yesterday actually went to an in-person group. It was a bit bible-y for me but it was in a church so duh! ... Very positive community. They made me feel welcome. Dialysis was so hard yesterday. Too much thinking. Couldn't read. Hope to keep the sorrow demons at bay today. Valerie wouldn't want me to be upset. I know this.

 

Gary, you have complimented me as a
go to leader, but I'm not as technologically
efficient as you are. I am impressed, and
grateful, for your attachments regarding
meditation. My first grief counselor
went on Buddhist retreats, and had a
calmness about her. I went into a store
and bought a little "Happy Buddha" which
I placed next to Linda's memorial on my
bureau. Next to that is a framed photo of
ducks gliding on a pond, which gives me
a feeling of serenity. Finally, and most
importantly, a small jade elephant, which
Linda & I had picked out together. The
elephant is facing the memorial, as if to
say, an elephant " never forgets", and
neither do I. Gary, I know what you mean
about not being so fearful, but I did smile
when you mentioned the grab bars. I didn't see anything wrong with that, bc I
tripped, cut one knee, and tensed up the
other one, to the point that I had a hard
time tying my sneakers & using the
stairs. I went to a kind, young, married,PT,
and cried that I missed Linda, bc she
always came with me to medical
appointments. I was fine after the PT
helped me, but I've been more careful
walking. On an amusing note, as I've said
here before, I decided to be kind to myself
and get a pedicure ( !). Linda would've
laughed, bc I thought that was only for
women. I had another young, married
woman, who listened to me about Linda,
while she did her job, and I cried again.
I promised that the next time would be
lighter. Lou

 

George, what an excellent post! I'm proud
of you for the 2 things you did. Like all
of us here, you have a great self
deprecatory humor ( in a church, so duh!),
and I laughed.So sorry about your tough
dialysis but I hope you'll have a much
better day today. I had my weekly phone
therapy today instead of the usual Mon,
bc of Columbus Day, and I told the therapist that I was so focused on plans
that I FORGOT it was Linda's birthday.
When I remembered, I didn't cry like I
usually do in the morning before I walk
outside.

 

Glad you got a chance to talk today to your therapist! Cool that my sense of humor made you laugh... Valerie always liked that about me. I remember when it was Valerie's last birthday... it was pretty rough on me a few days around there. I bet if Linda's anything like Valerie she's either real pissed or LHAO over your forgetting! So far, I don't feel as desolate. One thing I've been learning since I started the proActive grief process is that one can control their behavior whereas health and emotions can be out of one's control. It's not easy to control and it doesn't always feel like it works but I keep telling myself... I Can be positive. I can stop being guilty, I can discover and create a new life. I can do something. ... but this is so hard! When i talked to the hospice counselor today I think I was able to clarify some things in my head especially Self Forgiveness. I always forget to do this! Talk to ya later!

 

So glad you talk with a hospice counselor,
George. I was all set to join a loss of spouse
group at a hospice center, when COVID
hit. The director offered ZOOM, but I
declined. I didn't want a "Brady Bunch"
experience. I asked her if we could just
talk on the phone, for a half hour every
week, and she kindly fit me into her
busy schedule. It was much more intense
than my Mon am phone therapy sessions
with Bob. Thanks for answering me today.
I've been busy replying to Deb, Karen, and
Gary. Lou

 

Today's a busy day in the grief-verse!

 

Like many of us here, you have a way
with words, and your clever humor
shines through. I may have mentioned
the daily quotations from Center for
Loss, on grief, which come to me, via
email every day. Today's qupte, from
author Nicholas Sparks, was particularly
timely. You might want to check it out.
Deb & I discuss how uncanny the
daily quotes fit our needs. Lou

 

Cool.. I'm looking up the site to find the quotes! Thanks Lou