Hi, I’m new here. I lost my mom recently. She had been sick for a while, but none of us expected this to be the end. It still feels sudden, like we got the rug pulled out from under us. One day she was here, and now she’s not—and somehow, the world just keeps moving. I came here because I need a space to be real. I’m tired of saying “I’m okay” when I’m really not. Most of the time, I’m just trying to function. Some days I feel like I’m in a fog, and others I’m just numb. The smallest things take so much energy. It’s like I’m living in a world that no longer makes sense. I’ve lost other people before—grandparents, relatives—but this is different. This is deeper. I didn’t expect it to knock me down like this. I keep catching myself reaching for the phone to call her, expecting her daily check-in, and then I remember. And it hurts all over again. I’ve been journaling a lot. It helps, a little. But I don’t want to go through all of this alone. I joined because I want to share pieces of what I’m feeling, and maybe connect with people who just get it. People who aren’t going to tell me to be strong or move on, but who know what this kind of loss really feels like. If you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m here, trying to make sense of things, and hoping this is a place where I can be seen and understood.
I could have written this, because it's what I've been feeling too. I lost my grandmother on June 25. She was more than a grandmother, though. She raised me, and I am utterly lost. Journaling definitely helps, and if anything, helps you put a voice to the feelings swirling inside of you. I don't understand how the world keeps moving too, how people expect you to go back to "normal". Loss changes you.
Hang in there. I lost my mom to a drunk driver 19 months ago and I still cry every morning and night, and in the quiet spaces during the day, often. I still have to remind myself to breathe. To try and engage with others. To try to be the me, the mom, the wife, the mentor, the teacher, the principal, the dependable one, regularly throughout the day. I still can’t seem to motivate myself to do more than work and then care for my family, nothing for me, I just can’t do it. I hear you so deeply when you mention reaching for the phone to call or text her, to see if she sent me any funny meme’s or recipes I have to try. To talk about all the changes my teenage daughter is going through and how I never thought I would be doing this without her. It’s just not fair and not natural to not have our mothers with us. 19 months and though I hold my breath less often, I still hold it. She is always there but not there in all the ways I need and want and should have if not for a drunk driver who had no care fir life or others. I hope you breathe easier, and know you don’t have to be okay. You don’t have to lie and tell people you are ok. They know you aren’t, and they know why you are not yourself. And honestly, you will not be yourself they are looking for. You are changed, and though you (we) will heal, the loss will always be there, the void. I hope to fill the painful voids with happy memories once I can get past the pain and devastation, and I believe it will happen for both, all of us. I actually finally hung one of my mother’s beautiful quilts, one she made just after my 16 year old daughter was born, up in my living room. It’s beautiful as was my mom, and though it feels like I’m being slowly strangled, it’s also strangely calming to see it and her via the beauty. hold on, hang in there, and remember there are those who do understand out there, we are all moving in the direction you are snd there is no timeline to reach.
Thank you for sharing, I lost my mom suddenly in July and I can completely understand. I'm so tired. Everything takes so much effort. I don't go a day without crying. My world ended with her. And I'm tired of telling people that I'm okay when I don't know how I could ever be okay again It's nice to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling and neither are you
I lost my mom in August, and I feel the same as you. I cry every day, as I was her caregiver for a long time. My mom was the same way, had been in decline for a while, but wasn't expecting to be at that time. I don't even want to get out of bed in the mornings.
I sadly understand exactly how you feel. I lost my Mom at the end of July and I'm heartbroken. The world moves on and I'm having a hard time understanding how.... My Mom was my anchor and I'll never be the same.
I am sorry for your loss. I made the mistake of telling people I was okay when I certainly wan't even near to being okay. When people ask you how you are, it is okay to tell them you are still struggling. I failed to do this. I was doing the same thing you are by telling them I'm okay, when I was thinking: "How do you think I am? I just lost my son to suicide." If you will be honest with them, it will give them an opportunity to try to support you in what ever way they can. When we say we are okay when we are not okay, it does not open the door to them to do anything to try to comfort us. Your world is not ended, even though you feel like it has. God loves you and wants to help you. He can give you the strength you need to walk this difficult road of grief. Just try turning to Jesus and ask Him for his help. He will do that. He did it for me when I thought I couldn't go on. Keep in touch here with us. We understand the terrible, heavy load that grief puts on us. We have all lost someone precious to us. Chris
