Husband's sudden death

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by LoveMS, Jan 10, 2020.

  1. Jishgirl

    Jishgirl New Member

    I understand all of your pain. I also lost my husband suddenly over 5 years ago. He’s was 63 and we were married almost 35 years and I had retired 2 weeks before he passed. My life felt shattered and losing him was the most devastating thing I ever went through. I donated and gave away most of his clothing the following year but kept the ones that bring me joy and good memories. My faith helped me through the toughest moments and I found hope in God. Praying for all of you!
     
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  2. Nkwilki

    Nkwilki New Member

    So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 days after Christmas. Thought he just had the flu. He was sick for 5 days and took him to the ER and he passed in the waiting room after mouthing to me he couldn't breath. It was septic shock from pneumonia and flu. I beat my self up almost daily wishing I had took him in earlier. Hardest part is our 6 year old grand daughter saw it happen. Now she is scared every time I make a noise and Afraid I'm sick too. I hope that with time your pain can be lessened and easier to bear. I know we have a long road to go to finally come to terms with our grief.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss and all the pain. I deal with guilt daily too, but neither of us should have guilt. We loved our husbands with all our heart, we thought we were doing the right thing. My husband passed suddenly from a massive heart attack. There were no signs leading up to this. He was healthy, we thought, he passed in 2 hours. My guilt is over not jumping up to check on him when he started with virus type symptoms, not having aspirin in the house cause I didn’t replace what I tossed out. He yelled to me out in the drive way while waiting to get in the ambulance, he yelled I love you Robin, many times I didn’t answer him. I was sure he’d be coming back home. But he knew I loved him, and I had no idea the stomach virus symptoms are signs of heart attack, yet I can’t let it go. You had no idea just how bad your husband was, how could you know. You were taking care of him, and loved him.
    This is definitely a very long road, it takes so much out of us. The loss causes so much pain, can’t think straight, nothing feels right any more. This site has helped me, the fact that everyone here gets it and understands the feeling where others don’t get it, is so comforting. Don’t push yourself, things can wait, take a day at a time, and know you’re not alone.
    I feel sorry for your granddaughter witnessing this, and the fear it’s giving her. God bless her and take care of her. ❤️
     
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  4. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member


    Very sorry for your loss. Thats awful that a 6 year old was there to see her grandfather pass, it's hard enough to go through this as an adult !! I think we all second guess if we could have done more, being sick for only 5 days before you took him into the hospital isn't a long period of time and we've all had the flu that just passes after a week, scary story. Yes the road will be long but it is possible to with time to make this journey. Dan
     
  5. Nkwilki

    Nkwilki New Member



    Thank you for the kind words.
     
  6. Nkwilki

    Nkwilki New Member


    It was such a short time, and we had so many plans. I am blessed that I do have many family members here to help me. And I sister and Brother in law that are at my becking call. We had spent every weekend with them and they share greatly in my grief. Know they are there helps me get through. Thank you the support.
     
  7. KVR

    KVR Member

    Hello there. I am a new member. I lost my husband of sudden heart attack on November 26, 2019. He was 53. It was one week after we returned from celebrating our 25th anniversary abroad. We met when I was 19. We have 2 children. He died at work, and that evening, my new life began. When I read your post, I joined this on-line network. He was also my best friend and life now is strange, surreal, complicated, difficult. My anxiety is hard to manage. I am letting you know you are not alone, although, to be honest, I'm not sure how much that helps when you are in the middle of the experience.
     
  8. Kriss

    Kriss Well-Known Member

    I too lost my husband very suddenly almost a year ago now. I wish I could say it’s going to get easier but I haven’t found that out yet. He was home when he had his sudden and massive heart attack. I left him at 6 to go to work and by 8 he called me and told me to call 911 he couldn’t breath. By 11 am he was gone. One week after we celebrated our 30 th wedding anniversary and finding out our daughter was expecting twins. This is a good sight to come too they have helped me a lot knowing I am not going thru this alone.
     
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  9. KVR

    KVR Member

    Sorry. Does anything ever feel normal again? Or is this life now, always feeling a void, a strange detachment from any future, like there is a shadow about life, that it ends suddenly and you never know when? Is there love after this kind of loss?
     
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  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I lost my husband 16 months ago, I don’t know if anything will ever feel normal again, my life certainly isn’t normal, but things do get some better. The fog you’re living in becomes a little less dense, instead of crying pretty much all day I cry a few times during the day I am able to think of wonderful memories and sometimes even smile. All memories for a long time just made me feel worse, sometimes they still do but it is some easier. His favorite songs or our favorite songs still make cry but I can listen to them. The loneliness and sleepless nights remain my biggest hurdles. I miss my old life so much I miss every single thing about him and that we did together. I still cry so easily, I hate eating alone, being alone, no schedules miss the support, I hate deciding things on my own. But time is our friend and things are a little easier. I’m so thankful we did everything together because I’ve learned a lot from him by being side by side as we did things. Still just think one day at a time and at the end of the day, I say ok, one more day.
    I will say this qurentine, is not helping things at all. The loneliness is even worse during this.
     
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  11. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Active Member

    I agree this virus isn’t helping with anyone’s situation. It’s scary enough that we lost our love ones and we have more stress about losing more or maybe our lives. I hope and pray this gets over soon. Not that I really want to go anywhere, just so I don’t have to stress about one more thing.
     
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  12. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    I believe we'll never feel the old normal again but there will be a new normal, in the new normal we are wiser because of what we've learned going through this and maybe we appreciate life a little more and not take things for granted that we might have done in the past. Yes there is love after this, I love my sons, daughter in law and grandchildren and friends even more than I did before. Hopefully we will find love with another partner one day, not ready yet but one day I believe I'll find someone to share life with, life is more rewarding for me with that person and that is what my sweetheart would have wanted for me. Dan
     
  13. KVR

    KVR Member

    A new normal. Hard to let go of the past when it was good, or any change is hard. I like the idea that we become wiser and stronger in many ways, more loving and compassionate. Thank you for sharing that you think your sweetheart would have wanted you to love again.