My father died a couple of months ago after 10 years of suffering from diabetes, renal failure, heart failure. He died emaciated, amputated, depressed and suffering from dementia. My mother was an emotional wreck at the funeral- crying and sobbing. I was teary eyed with a blank expression, I was in shock. I'm like my father, I take time to process my emotions especially in front of others . I feel like my lack of crying and sobbing has made my family perceive me as indifferent towards my Dad's dying. My husband is out of the country working, I talked to him on the phone later that night weeping and the next day too. After that when we'd talk on the phone I'd avoid talking about my Dad, maybe sometimes I would mention that I miss my Dad or that I'm not having the best day. But I would mainly talk about our little son- which always cheers me up, because he's really cute! My husband was supposed to visit the next month for a week, but his holidays got cut short to 5 days, so he decided it wasn't worth the trip. A friend of mine mentioned that it very strange that he wouldn't come see me to check up on me after such a tragic loss. And I started thinking maybe I should have been more expressive with my emotions? Tell him that I can't comprehend that father is gone. That I can't even see a picture of him without crying for a good hour. That there isn't a second that goes by that I wish my Dad was alive because without him nothing is truly complete and nothing feels right. My mother says that if you are feeling it at 1, you have to talk about it at a 20* or nobody understands what you are going through. I would often talk to my husband about my Dad being ill and how I'm devastated that he can't catch a break, it was one surgery and hospital admission after the other. But to be honest he never seemed like he cared and would almost never say anything comforting. Writing this has really depressed me.