How to grieve with no support.

Recently my mother died from a blood clot to the heart. My husband hated my mom, so I can't talk about anything with him. My mother in law hates me and my mom, so I can't talk to her either. My brother is MR so I can't talk to him. I am attending counseling, and that is helping somewhat; I also am reading a book on grief. My father is now really sick, and doctors say they don't know how long he has. It's unbearable to think I could go through another death. I feel alone. What do I do? Also in the book, I'm reading it had a message to send to others, so they know what you need and how best to approach you. I thought I was taking a good step being proactive, so there is no confusion. My husband called me a drama queen. "Why are you so high maintenance you get your own list? Is it really necessary to tell people how to treat you?" What am I supposed to do let people do things that don't help me and be miserable so I don't hurt other peoples feelings? What about my feelings I'm the one that lost someone why isn't it my feelings that are being considered? Does anyone have any advice?

 

Sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom suddenly last month. I am still trying to deal with it - and I am now caring for my father. It is a lot to handle. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you, but at least you are going to counseling. Does the counselor have any advice on how to get help?

 

I am sorry about your mom. I have lost my mom two years ago. I have to say that some days it is not easy to miss your mom so much. I also found that not a lot of people will not understand what you are going through. My husband never got to know my mom, so I feel alone at times. My siblings don't want to talk about her because it is to painful. So I have found that what helps me through my grief is, I try to think of all the happy times, let myself cry because sometimes you need to cry. I also started writing poems of my feelings down. I also do things that make me feel close to my mom. She loved to bake, so when I bake I feel close to her. Also dont let others tell you how you should feel, this is your mom and your grief. Some days are hard but you can get through. I hope this helps alittle

 

I think you are quite correct regarding expectations - those we have of others and those others have of us. Whenever they are not met (by either party), there can be issues. This applies to all aspects of life; not just the grieving process. Many people simply don't know how yo act around the grieving person. They don't want to say anything to upset you, so they may not speak of the deceased - when that may be all we want to do. I think you are also correct regarding the importance of communication. Let people know how they can help you...

 

Yes, my counselor said to think about what it is I want and find the best way to achieve it. Have discussions with individual people and let them know how you are feeling.