How this works...

New here. Hoping to connect with others . Glad I found this. Thank you. Amy

 

Thank you. I am just looking for support, a place to grieve. Just to handle all of this.

 

I am new here, too, and so grateful to have found this site, knowing that I can connect with others who can understand what I'm going through.

 

Glad I found this site I'm pray it helps my grief ,is so so deep and getting worse.

 

So glad I found this site. I feel as if I am at the end of my rope. I have tried to cope with the loss of my husband who died 2 years ago on December 2, 2014. He had medical issues but he died unexpectedly in our bed n my arms. I am still struggling. He was my best friend, my soulmate n I can't seem to go on without him n don't know what to do. My friends n family try their best but it doesn't help n sometimes I feel as though they think I should just move on n stop grieving n be thankful for the thing I do have. It's not that I don't appreciate the things I do have but I don't want anything but him back. I know that is impossible n maybe I am selfish but that's how I feel. Does anyone else out there feel this way n how can I change this. Please I don't know what to do I just know I can't go on like this.

 

I am a recently multiple loss survivor , and I exist

 

Dear Karen:
I am also a multiple loss survivor, though my most recent is last May. However it seems like yesterday. My Mom...who was my best friend.
I am very sorry for your losses and sadly....I know how you feel. Don't let people dictate to you how long the process takes to be able to start "living" again. The truth of the matter is that nothing will ever be the same and contrary to what is commonly believed....time does not heal all wounds. What is does is better equip you to manage the pain, deal with it and continue living as best you can. And grief is a very individual thing. Your true friends will understand and stand by now and this is when you find out who your real friends are. That also is painful. Believe me, I know because I found out the hard way.

Just be kind to yourself and feel your grief. Cry, yell, be silent...whatever you feel most comfortable with. Now it's about you and getting thru it. I don't know your personal situation, so I don't know if you have kids or not. Whoever there is to lean on, don't hesitate to do so. And certainly come to this site because there are many warm and compassionate people here. I have found comfort in reaching out myself and also helping others get through their pain.

For the most part, I am now alone and it's hard. All except for Kennedy....the beautiful cat in the pic. It's amazing how animals understand love the way that people sometimes are unable to.

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Please reach out when you feel you must or just want you.

Wishing you comfort and strength in this difficult time.

All the best~Ellen

 

Thanks Ellen , I lost my mother10-24-15 , my sister 11-19-15 , my boyfriend 6-13-16 , and my girlfriend 2-27-16 .
I have family and friends , but it's like they don't understand and think I dwell on it too much .
My sister was my best friend we did everything together . She was my biggest supporter always teaching and encouraging me .
I took care of my mom the last four years of her life she was my baby . She had Alzheimer's and she became my precious baby . I miss her sweet face .
My boyfriend and I were together seven years and I feel so lost without him .
My girlfriend , we've been friends for thirty four years ,although I move out of state we still stayed in touch and when I went back to visit I always stayed with her.
How do you not miss them and hurt for them ?

 

How can I take off my last name ?

 

Dear Karen,
I'll answer your last question first. How do you not miss them and hurt for them? You don't. I myself know that I will miss the people I have lost until the day I die. As briefly as possible.....my biological father abandoned me when I was 16 and my parent divorced. My Step-Dad (who I always just called him Dad, came into my life when I was 20 years old and literally saved me emotionally. I am now 63 years old. I loved him dearly and when he was 76 years old, playing golf and tennis and running every single day, he had a pain in his side. Long story short, he was diagnosed with mesothelioma. He was gone in less than 2 months. Both my Mom and I were devastated. That was nearly 12 years ago. After a few months, I insisted that Mom go for a Pet scan because several years before she smoked. Turned out to be lung cancer. She had surgery and survived for another 9 years, however COPD and Congestive Heart Failure took her life in May 2015. I was her primary caregiver and we were extremely close. Not a single day goes by that I don't miss her and think of her. Holiday's are very tough and Mother's Day is unbearable for me, since she died a few days before. And on XMAS Eve of 2014 I found out the man that I spent 25 years of my life with, married for 19 years-was having an affair for the past 10 years. Our divorce became final this past June. Physically he's still alive, but surviving that kind of betrayal is very much like a death. I also buried my only daughter 15 years ago. She was 26 years old and died from leukemia. And if that wasn't enough to deal with, in April of 2015 I had to put my 19 year old cat to sleep. I had her from when she was 6 months old. I'm a huge animal lover and that knocked the wind out of me. However I adopted/rescued another wonderful cat and truth be told...she rescued me.

I really have no family left and yes, there are days when it's hard to breathe. How do you survive? Well, I just broke it down to 2 choices. I can keep living and do my best or I can lay down and die. I still believe that life can be good, so I opted for the choice that I know would have made my Mom and Dad proud of me, and that's the basis for how I live my life. Before my Mom died she made me promise to be OK and to be happy. And I'm a person who always keeps her word. She knew that. There was no way that I wasn't going to survive.

I find comfort in giving back and helping people a lot less fortunate than I am. Nearly everyone is fighting a battle of one sort or another. I volunteer in an old age home, visiting people who have nobody. Just to see them smile truly makes my day. And I also work in an animal shelter helping to socialize abandoned animals and get them ready for adoption. For me, that's pure joy.

My life isn't how I thought it would be, but it's not so bad.

You need to find your own space and make it your own. And then figure out what would make you feel better and go for it. There's always something. The people you have lost will always be with you...in your heart.

Be strong.

Take care~ Ellen

 

Hello. My husband died three weeks ago today. I am totally lost. He was my best friend. He was my everything and I was his. We were together for more than half my life. He was so young! only 44. I cry all the time. I haven't gone back to work yet & I'm not sure when I will be able to. Right now I can't go an hour without breaking down. I am a mess. To be honest I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe to connect with somebody else going through this. I don't know. Right now I will try anything. Just looking for some help I guess. I have wonderful friends and family but they just don't understand. I don't know what it's like. So I guess I'm just looking for someone who understands. Thanks for listening.

 

I lost my 19 month old daughter a year ago. And life suck without her everyday is a constant battle, torture and so draining. She is my life my world my everything. My life stopped the day she left.

 

Kitty 4597 ,
I lost my husband 4 yrs ago I thought I would never get over this loss . I missed him like crazy then and still miss him like crazy . But someone told me at his service that when I walk out of there the first thing I had to do was find my new normal .
- So today I am going to tell you Find your new Normal .
- And find something he believed in and believe .
I returned to work and many thought it was to soon . But that was what he would of wanted me to do. I got a tattoo with his handwriting to remind me everyday that he LOVED me . And I found something he truely believed in and learned to believe in it . Nobody can possibly miss him more than you do , but find your new Normal and then things will start taking shape .

 

Griefic ,
I must say I don't have all the answers . But this gave me a new place in my grief to start . Everyones life moves on but the spouse . Especially the spouse that goes home to your home that you built together. And again nobody misses your spouse more than the spouse that was left behind . I wake up everyday with new questions . I was 49yrs old when my husband passed away , who has the answer to your questions . Nobody , because nobody you know has been through what you have been through . So you learn to make your mistakes and ask for help later . You look for your spouse in everything you do . I find a yellow butterfly almost always when I have a heavy heart , I believe it is my husband because my heart almost always comes off my sleeve and I find the answer that I was looking for . My husband believed everything happens for a reason . I found a lot of peace in that . So looking for a new normal is were you have to start .