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How long do these feelings last

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by skies24, Apr 17, 2020.

  1. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    I do finding being shut in makes things worse. I too feel some days i am going crazy, especially in the mornings. I envy people who are still working full time. I am working but not consistently and find its difficult some days to even get out of bed. Luckily my son makes me eat dinner with him and his girlfriend (house next door on same property). Even though every night I think i am going to cancel I still go and it helps. Some well meaning friend sent me a video yesterday of Roy when had a birthday 2 years ago and we went out to dinner. I was a video of himself singing "Happy Birthday to me" and it was funny. It destroyed my day watching it.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Cathy,

    The heart that we each possess was grown from all the experiences in our lives. I know we all have seen pain, sorrow, heartaches, and some memories we might never wish to ever face again. Sure not having our freedom of movement is enormously hard on us all.

    Crazy is as crazy does, as it has been said. But maybe it is not that unusual when you think about it. Have you ever been alone, and then all of sudden you felt a touch, and tear formed in your eyes, and all of a sudden a memory came rushing into your life. In those moments, we each are in our own special space, with ourselves, with our thoughts, and so we may cry, we may wipe those tears, but they are someone who we remembered and what they meant to us internally.

    Sure you might feel melancholy, and even wish that moment would stay for a lifetime. If I didn't have my brother and two sisters to talk with each day I don't know. I also understand all those of you who don't have another to call and share your sadness or thought with, but you have us, your new friends, ones who also are missing a special part of us. Sorrow is never easy, but those reaching out to talk with us is beautiful, as you are sharing a part of yourself with them.

    That is a beautiful picture of the song Happy Birthday. The sadness can diminish our hearts, but I say by remembering, those tears are for the joy of remembering all the wonderful times you shared with your loved one.

    I hope you will take care, and be careful not to despair. Peace be with you.

    -david

    Sharing a song - countries apart



    It is songs like this I loop when I am writing
     
  3. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Beautiful.
     
    Patti 67 likes this.
  4. Tammlamm

    Tammlamm Active Member

     
  5. Tammlamm

    Tammlamm Active Member

    Hi, I I'm sorry for your loss. It seems like I dwell on the times I would bicker with my mother. But, Maybe you can think back to when you first met her? Happier times.
     
    skies24 likes this.
  6. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    Thanks, love the music. I feel better today. It is up and down. Sometimes with this lockdown it is nice being alone and not worrying about other peoples problems, the TV being on too loud, having to talk to people when i want to hide; but other times it would be nice to have coffee with someone in the morning to play a game. I have it better than most as i am in a beautiful area (redwood forest on the coast) and with my son in a near by house on the same property. Thank God for my dog and cat and the work that i am supposed to be doing (but somehow do not often feel motivated to do). One good that has come out of this is that I am reflecting on who i was and who i want to be in the future. I always do best when I structure a plan for myself. I have lots of choices. Making new friends is one of my goals. Thanks for being here for me. Cathy
     
    ainie likes this.
  7. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    Its been 9 months for me and there are definite stages (as I am sure you have read online or in the grieving books someone probably gave you). The stage you are experiencing is one of deep emotion: anger, sadness, regret, guilt, etc, but that will change. Soon there will be acceptance and moving on. I am a psychologist and even though i know all the stages (like a priest knows the bible) I still have to go through the stages like everyone else. I do not experience that as much as I did but its up and down. I find having a routine helps and people to talk to. I joined a couple of online social groups, including a book group of people who don't even know me, just to have something else to think about than my husband every day. Maybe we should organize zoom happy hours for those of us who might want more face to face. Keep pouring it out when you need to, I do about once a week on this site.
     
    ainie likes this.
  8. Phyl58

    Phyl58 Member

    Hi Paul,

    Reading this helped a bit. Thank you for that. My husband died 3/12/21 of COVID. Brought him to the hospital the day the vaccine became available for our age group. That hits me so hard. I had a mild case. I pray for strength daily. With COVID ramping up I don't have friends in or go out to do much. The missing our day to day closeness is devastating.

    Phyllis Franco
     
  9. Don Y

    Don Y New Member

    I know its a cliche now, but there is no timeline. it has to happen organically. I'm 8 years out and at your stage, i felt the same thing. Remember, it comes in waves, one minute you're not feeling it, the next, BAM it hits you. Early on, you feel like you're carrying an anvil on your chest. Trust me, it WILL get softer, but it will happen at its own timeline. And please don't believe the after the first year, you're fine myth, thats just nonsense.
     
    Rose69 likes this.
  10. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

  11. BobGrief2023

    BobGrief2023 Active Member

    In my view, the grief might last forever