Hello. I'm new. I lost my best friend, lover and soul mate last Oct. 30th to multiple heart attacks. He had had a quadruple bypass at the beginning of August, and was doing quite well, considering. I was schedualed (spelling?) to go visit my oldest son from Oct. 24th until Nov. 2nd. A week before I was to leave, I had this nagging feeling not to go on my trip, but, he insisted I go as I already had my tickets, and my son had finally gotten the time off (he'd put in for his vacation time back in April, but, it never got approved until alost the last minute). I told Randy (my boyfriend of over 20 years) that I wanted to call off my trip, and that I had a feeling something bad was going to happen while I was away. He laughed it off, as he always did such things. I knew I'd be alone on Halloween (mine and Randy's favorite holiday), and I told him before I left I'd call him that night). I never got to make that call. He died in the early morning hours the day before. I was thrown into instant shock. Thinking it was a cruel joke, I called one of his brothers, and he confirmed that Randy had passed away. This man was my everything...my world, my rock. It's coming up on four months since his passing, and his family thinks I should've "moved on" as they have after only two weeks of grieving. To make matters worse, none of them now will even speak to me. I have no one to come visit me, only a good friend who lives on the west coast who calls at least every other day to check on me. My oldest son sends a text once in a great while. I live in the midwest, and I feel so isolated, and utterly alone I can't bare it sometimes. When Randy died, a good part of me died with him. I feel sooooooo empty inside. How can I get through this aweful grief and despair? Everywhere I go here in town, I think of him. I go by where he used to live, and I break. I look at pictures of him, remember the good times, and break because he's not here anymore to sneak up behind me and wrap his arms around me. I can't sleep at night more than an hour or two, and I wake with tears in my eyes because I've been dreaming of him. I am so lost without him.
Hi Gipse very sorry for the loss of the person that mattered the most. You will meet many people here that understand all to well what your post is saying, they will also understand moving on takes much more than 4 months, there unfortunately isn't a timeframe for grief. I hope you find this site helps you through some of the pain and to know you're not alone in how you're feeling. Dan
I’m sorry. The grief is unbearable at times. I lost my best friend January 22nd. It’s torturous. I know the feeling of isolation as this seems to be my only place anyone gets what I’m going thur. No one gets why I’m “still” upset. It’s ridiculous that people “friends” actually judge your grieving process. One thing I can tell you is that venting on here will help. It’s kinda therapeutic writing it out. I hope one day soon you find peace. I hope to find it also. I see glimpse of it once in awhile.
Gipse, So sorry for your loss. Days forward may seem too long, too slow and hard to get through. After my wife died, one of the things I found myself doing was looking through old photographs, videos we had made and just slowly thinking about all the wonderful times we had shared with our children. I listened to many songs. Over the years I had collected over 3k of music, on vinyl, cassette, 8-track, tape recordings and so I dusted off so many and sat for days on end, just sitting and listening to song after song. As the music played I might stop at a photograph and think back of so many things I had long forgotten. Sure it was easy to feel emotional, but that is what love will do to a person. With loss, the hardest thing to accept might be how others react. We can’t understand why others might have moved on when we are still grieving. Loss is hard to live through, but I want to stress that you should never stop opening up and talking about how you feel. By doing that you are slowly healing yourself inside. Sure it isn’t easy, others might not understand why you are short with them, or cry easily so often, or even forget things so many times. I took about 6 months to finally move beyond my grief that had me in its unforgiven hold. When that day finally came where I now understood my own losses, but I could now face life easier. How many times each of us in life might put on a face (pretense) for others to let them think we are ok. When in reality we are slowly dying inside. Keeping that hurt inside us is so very wrong. You have to face it. I know it is very scary. Then you have to talk about it honestly. Then time will do its magic and slowly help you right yourself in life once again. Here, as you post, those that read that post have experienced loss. Loss no matter what type it allows each person that reads your words to see how you are feeling. All of us who have loss, we understand, we know life forward will be different, but life is so worth living. Please never give up or surrender to despair. When you are feeling down, talk, cry, and don’t stop until you can face life. Also, remembering those we lost is normal, and even after we feel better inside, it is ok to remember those who are no longer with us. For now, take your time slowly. Reach out and while you are on this road of grief you will meet others. Time will pass. Just keep moving forward. Peace be with you. -david I hope you like this melody
